isawallflower | RYSLIG; ic inbox

[ Oh.

Oh, god.

No, he—

He promised—

Riley's gone very still. Her face is frozen in that oh-so-face smile. ]

Heard of it, yes. I'm surprised you hadn't before.

[ Perky. Just sound upbeat and perky. It's fine. It's fine, it's fine, it's fine, he didn't figure it out from just walking in, so— ]

[She keeps her smile on as well, but sees the way Riley has gone oh so rabbit-still. It's understandable to be worried, Celeste knows what she is doing is cruel. But she has to know.

She crosses her legs with a flourish, and reaches for a hidden pocket in the side of her hoop-skirt]

Yes, it seemed very important! So I endeavored to visit it a few days ago, and a certain exhibit happened to catch my eye.

[She takes out a prop-knife in a little plastic bag.]

Do you remember when I told you about my classmate, the Ultimate Idol?

[ That smile's gone. Very softly, very seriously, Riley asks: ]

Why do you have that?

[At the sudden drop, the quiet, serious question. There’s a moment where Celeste doubts. It strikes like lightning into her heart, hammering it’s beat somewhere near the ditch of her throat, and she gives into her poker tell that no one has ever guessed:

She laughs.

Turning the jittering nerves into something more practiced and cruel. Then the smile finally fades, and they look at each other head on.]

Well, you’re rather intelligent, why do you think I have it?

[ Everyone's laughing at her.

Riley's heart beats in her throat.

She's aware that Maple's in the other room still, in his carrier, and he's quietly crying through the wall. She's aware that she's frozen up entirely. But she can't do anything. Can't. ]

Stop it. St- stop. [ Not now. ]

[Celeste remembers her trial, when Naegi had presented all the evidence and sentenced her to death. Even if Riley was innocent, she refuses to walk away without the whole damn picture. It will be the last piece to the puzzle of what the fuck is going on with Riley, and she wants it.]

No.

[Her more serious demeanor hasn't dropped. In gambling, she's usually playful, vindictive, cruel. Now, in the face of Riley's tears, she's just a scorching cold.]

My classmate, Sayaka Maizono. The Ultimate Idol. Do you recall when I said you reminded me of her, Williams-san?

[ Her feathers slowly rise as her breathing speeds up. ]

D- don't- jus- just— get out. [ What's she talking about? What does she mean?

She doesn't move. Not an inch. ]

[She cannot tell, just yet, if the stuttering is like Leon's when he admitted to his crimes, or like Naegi when he so innocently denied it. But the puffing up doesn't seem to phase her at all, in fact, she barely seems to breathe or blink.]

The Killing Game is exactly as you would expect. Not terribly creatively named: we were locked in, and told we had to kill each other to escape. Do you know what Maizono-san did, Williams-san?

[Her gaze drops, momentarily, to the knife. So, so similar it was.]

Well, I think you can guess. I suppose I was more accurate to name her than I realized. The same empty smile, the same weapon, it even took place in a bathroom.

[ That stuttering should sound somewhat familiar, in a way—it's the same sort that escaped her that first time they met. At least, for a moment it is, before a screech escapes her— ]

Don't!!

[ —and she charges forward, as though she doesn't really know what she's going to do. To take the knife away? To physically force her out of her apartment? To teach her a lesson—

Oh god. Oh, god, oh god, Riley shakes and trembles and her charge stops abruptly as she goes to her knees, grips her head with both hands. ]

St- st-stop...! Stop- stop it, sh- shut up!

[Celeste turns in her chair, smoothly meeting Riley head-on. She doesn't move to defend herself at all, instead keeping her hands neatly folded, wings and tail tucked in close. If Riley hurts her now, it will both neatly prove her right and also be 100% deserved. So she's not going to rob that justice from her.

But Riley stops herself, gracelessly curling inward like she's trying to protect herself physically from Celeste's words.]

Tell me what happened, and I will.

[ All of her plumage sticks up starkly sharp. Her claws dig into her arms enough to draw blood. Her chest heaves with breath, as she practically hyperventilates.

How is she this bad at hiding it now? How is it this hard to keep from cracking? (Isn't she supposed to be better now—?)

Eyes shut tight, she practically spits out: ]

Why— why do all of you care?!

[All of you?

Other people had figured it out. Of course, that's not too surprising, Riley isn't a good liar unfortunately. Hm, she wonders who else had. But it is most certainly not the time to ask.]

Because in the end we aren't nearly as different as you like to pretend, Williams-san. [And she's not angry, not yet, but there's a vindictiveness to her words that speaks to the flirtation of temper.]

Because I have seen even the most seemingly innocent person turn on everyone for the slightest motivation. And because your false sunniness irritates me.

[Because if they ARE both murderers, why the fuck should Riley get away with it?]

[ And her claws run across her skin, this time intentionally; if she hurts herself, she can't hurt others. Isn't that right? ]

Fuck you! [ ...That part she doesn't mean to let slip. No, she's crumbling. Everyone's going to see, everyone's going to know that she's a liar. That she's wrong. They're all going to hate her, they're all going to hurt her, don't- don't, please, she'll be better—

Riley's body shakes. ]

No- no, y- y- you- I'm nn- not- I don't w-wanna be like that anymore!! It sh-sh- shouldn't- matter!! [ Liar. Why's she doing this? Why? Chess, Farrah, are they punishing her? ]

[Riley cursing and yelling just makes Celeste grit her teeth, physically trying to hold back the urge to give in and yell back. It is a close thing. She watches Riley's claws dig into her own flesh, tearing at herself like she can't seem to stop, and it slides the last piece into place more clearly than any admission of guilt. After all, Celeste herself is more than familiar with attempting to cleanse herself with her own blood.]

It does matter. Of course it fucking matters! [And out of her control, her voice is rising, raw and real to match Riley's own torment. People must be able to hear them-]

Because why the fuck do you act like you're better than any of us? Why would you deserve to pretend like you're fucking normal!?

[ Riley flinches. But something about this isn’t so different from screaming over a kitchen island about what she deserves, about how much she’s done— so something in there flips a switch. Her fearful, closed eyes snap open and she screams, she gives in to what a horrible person she really is. ]

You hypocrite, you’re all h- h- hypocrites!! You’re lect- lecturing me, about pretending, the fucking gambler?! [ One of her hands comes detached, like she’s unhinging herself. Bloodstained claws tap against the floor, once again dripping into her hardwood. The snarl that leaves her lips is downright animalistic. ] What’s wrong with— with trying to be better?!

[ Little comments from sessions with Danny swim through her mind. They wrap around her, about this being engrained in her (no, he said, what he meant was it’s something she’s been dealing with for a long while), about the other girls placing their trust in her (no, no, of course he didn’t mean she broke it on purpose), little things she keeps— misinterpreting, of course, but things that sink into her like knifes nevertheless. She knows, she knows, she—

Pushes up from one of her knees, the left side limp and loose like a puppet with its string a cut. Her hair fans out into a crest, making herself bigger, angrier. ]

I’m not l-l-l- like him!!

[Mukuro is dozing, used to being awake more in the evenings rather than the daylight - at least until shrill noise startles her awake.

The yelling sets her teeth on edge, makes her fur spike up - old instincts deeper than the wolf's, alarmed and anxious from the noise alone. She almost wants to hide - but those voices are familiar, she realizes, both of them are recognizable as soon as she tunes in. Celeste and Riley - they're fighting.

She's up and making her way over within seconds. It doesn't sound like either of them are going to back down, and she can't handle it if either of them get hurt. So she does what she always has - she gets in the middle, ready to redirect. She slips in like a shadow, gently putting herself between the two other girls, paws up peaceably as she looks down at her roommate first.]

Celeste, stop.
This isn't - helping.

[Her voice is low and soft. She's trying her best to soothe Celeste rather than make it seem like she's being judged.]

[Celeste isn't familiar with backing down for anything, especially once she's gotten herself wound up about something. It's like a tide, sweeping her up out of her control that she cannot seem to rein in in this moment. So even with Mukuro between them, large and docile, speaking softly and trying to de-escalate, Celeste just flares her wings out larger, longer, trying to make herself just as big and scary as Riley.

She tries to lean around Mukuro's body to point in Riley's face, blind and deaf with rage-]

I'm a hypocrite? I'm a fucking hypocrite?? At least I don't spend all my goddamn time trying to convince people I'm a helpless child!

[She spits out a harsh not-laugh at the phrase 'be better.']

Yeah, be better because god forbid you're just as fucking bad as the rest of us! No, you have to be better!

[ Mukuro's here, and for a moment, fear flashes across Riley's face—in this apartment— no, no, fear at- no, no one else can know, why don't they—

"She is harmless and shy, and will never speak up, 'cause—"

The hesitation, the moment where she looks at Mukuro in concern, it passes as Celeste laughs. As she calls her— ]

You wanna- wanna s-s- see- see who's helpless—?! [ The hand still digging into her arm, it goes deeper, harder, as blood drips down her arm. She lurches forward, still on one knee, one foot. Tries to go around Mukuro. ] This- this- this hasn't ever be- been about- you, but fine, fine, fine—

[ If girls don't have your back, you've got to—

She sees red, the same red that drips from her claws, as she tries to pounce. ]

Celeste--

[In the corner of her vision, she sees movement, danger, and reacts without thinking - she whirls to face Riley, ready to catch her out of the air and hold her in a tight embrace. Even if those talons sink into her, instead, she won't flinch. She's gone through worse, in a much more fragile form. She just waits for a few breaths, then gently sets Riley back down, soft yellow eyes on hers.]

...Riley, it's okay.

[The softest murmur of reassurance, before Mukuro turns back to Celeste and scoops her up. Much like a large dog scruffing an angry cat. It's time to stop. She trots back to their apartment, deposits Celeste onto her own bed, and - leans to give her a very brief nuzzle before slipping back out. She isn't trying to take sides here, she completely understands why both of them are so volatile, she just - hates the fighting. And it's not helping either of them.]

[Celeste is still screaming, even when she sees the way Riley goes still, then tense- and she knows what's coming. She doesn't lift her hands, doesn't even try to defend herself, because part of her still know she's goading this out of her and what happens to her will happen regardless. Maybe for just a little while it can finally stop-

And then Mukuro is between them, speaking lowly to Riley and Celeste isn't even fully aware of the words coming out of her mouth-]

Fine then, if you're so damn determined just fucking kill me why don't you-!

[And then Mukuro has Celeste up over her shoulder, the movement cutting off her sound in surprise. Mukuro lifts her straight off the ground and uses three of her legs to propel them both down the hallway to their apartment door.]

What are you doing?

[Once Riley is out of sight, she stops shouting. But her throat is raw, tearing at her voice and she's still so so angry. Why could Riley be normal? Why did she get everything they couldn't? She hates her so much. She hates her happiness and kindness and security-

Mukuro sets her down on her bed quickly, smoothly, with obvious care. There's an unexpected affectionate press as if to say stay here. And the door shuts behind her. In the deafening silence, the full implications of what she's done sink in. Like when she would be between games, and her keepers would just shut her away because she couldn't be useful or good enough.

Celeste... Doesn't want to be here if Mukuro comes back.

It takes only a moment to open the window and clamber out of it. She needs. She- she doesn't know. But she isn't needed here. Not when Mukuro has people like Riley and Steve and. and Naegi.]

[ With the harpy in her panicked and half-thinking state, it’s very easy for Mukuro to catch Riley, like she’s a linebacker on the football field instead of a cheerleader. Even as her one free set of claws swipes at the air furiously, her own screeches almost too distant for her ears to hear, she can’t break free of Mukuro’s grasp. Can’t not listen to those soothing words. Can’t stop gasping, choking on her own poison. Familiar, familiar, all so familiar, just breathe Riley, I got you shifting and swirling to a lower voice, different voice, you don’t have to apologize to you’re going to hate me, but that was a dream—

And suddenly, it’s gone. The support, the kindness, because suddenly Mukuro’s taking Celeste away, and she’s left alone in the silence, with just her own distant gasps to keep her company.

See what happens when they know?

Her gasps and the usual poison, directed inward now that there’s nowhere to spit it. Every positive example—Giorno, Eridanus, Atem despite the assumed betrayal, Cersei who’s gone, gone now—falls away. Her claws curl into her arm, tighter, tighter, though she doesn’t know if she can feel it. It doesn’t matter that Celeste doesn’t like her, has never liked her. It doesn’t matter that Celeste seems determined to cut and push her, every conversation they have. All Riley can think, curled on the floor of her apartment, waiting for the world to end, is that this is what she’s supposed to be, and everyone will treat her like that, when they know.

Broken little monster. Never could’ve been good enough. Shouldn't try. Just kill them, you don’t need—

She can barely breathe as she curls in on herself, just a ball of feathers in an empty room. ]

[Once Celeste is safe, Mukuro only waits long enough to take a breath before she pads right back out. Celeste can handle herself, and hates being seen when she's vulnerable. But Riley - Riley needs people with her. She's being eaten from the inside out and tearing herself apart, and if nothing else, Mukuro's had years of practice trying to help with this sort of thing.

She slips back into Riley's apartment, ears drooping when she sees the sad little pile of feathers curled up on the floor. It hurts to see her like this. She takes a few quiet steps closer, until she can crouch down across from her and lean in to nose ever so lightly at her.]

Riley...?

[ The storm of her own thoughts keeps her from hearing Mukuro's approach until she's right in front of her and it's impossible not to. Her head shoots up and her face flashes through so many different expressions. First, fear and panic—it was in this apartment, it was here— then surprise, relief—oh thank god, oh she's not alone, she's not alone— and then, starkly and suddenly—

Despair.

The freed claw drags on the floor as she scrambles backward. The other wraps into muscle and rips feathers and flesh from her arm. She shakes her head with a desperate whine. ]

No. No, no, no, n-n- no, jus- just- go. Leave, I- c-can't, can't—!

[ A moment of comfort means nothing. Not when once everything comes crumbling down she'll just be alone again, alone or forced to be the feral thing they expect of her.

You can't count on anyone. ]

Edited (cant get me smalltext) 2021-06-16 01:40 (UTC)

[God, she's still so scared - but there's a glimmer of relief, too, enough that Mukuro doesn't want to just immediately retreat and leave her be. Especially when that very familiar despair makes itself known. Seeing it on Riley's face, of all people - it hurts in a way she didn't expect, makes her stomach twist with guilt and worry.

--She's hurting herself again.

Mukuro moves forward without even thinking about it, reaching first to take Riley's taloned hand, to stop her from carving into herself any further. She doesn't care if she gets hurt, instead. She can handle it, and the Fog heals. No, in fact, she pulls Riley gently towards her and right into another embrace, with her other arm wrapped around her and her snout resting over Riley's shoulder. The better to murmur to her, very softly:]

It's okay. I promise.
I'm not leaving you alone.

[ This is always how it seems to go, isn't it? Mukuro pulls her in, holds her while she hangs limp like a ragdoll. Softly, she reassures her.

That's why the hydra thought she was an easy target.

She could snap your neck again, so easily—

Riley shuts her eyes tight to keep the tears from falling. She tries to pull away, undoubtedly getting blood from her arm on Mukuro's fur. ]

No... N-no, you- you will— [ The words come out before she can stop them. ] You- you're- gonna hate me- everyone- everyone's gonna—

WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, CHEERYCHERRY. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 019.46.820.17 * CHEERYCHERRY has joined 019.46.820.17 <CHEERYCHERRY> It's Riley! <CHEERYCHERRY> Please leave a message! <CHEERYCHERRY>** Please be someone with their priorities sorted out properly!

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cw: unintentional self-harm

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cw: intentional self-harm, implied parental abuse

CW: some fucked up feelings about self harm

cw: self-harm, therapy abuse/malpractice

cw: vague abuse implications

oops all screaming

the self-harm is just gonna continue

cw: more of the same, abuse implications

cw: abuse reference - aha-haaaaaa

cw: dissociation, panic attacks, intrusive thoughts, homicidal ideation, just in general bad

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cw: gore, intrusive thoughts

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