isawallflower: (when i realized)
𝓡𝓲𝓵𝓮𝔂 𝓦𝓲𝓵𝓵𝓲𝓪𝓶𝓼 ([personal profile] isawallflower) wrote2020-11-01 10:20 pm
Entry tags:

RYSLIG; ic inbox

WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, CHEERYCHERRY.

FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 019.46.820.17

*** CHEERYCHERRY has joined 019.46.820.17
<CHEERYCHERRY> It's Riley!
<CHEERYCHERRY> Please leave a message!
<CHEERYCHERRY> Please be someone with their priorities sorted out properly!


main: CheeryCherry
anonymous: panthera, aed
retired: gflynn (anon)
digiorno: icon by me; art by <user name="wasabu" site="tumblr.com"> (♛ but everyone's gone)

[personal profile] digiorno 2021-08-12 07:08 am (UTC)(link)
Because it's a game.

[Although he's not laughing at her anymore, the corner of his mouth does quirk up, wryly amused.]

If I want to take someone's money, they'll never know I was anywhere near them. If I take something, let myself be seen, then the other person gets to play the game, too. It's an invitation. "Step inside the circle and see how it's done." That's all. Sometimes people choose to accept that invitation, sometimes they don't.
Edited 2021-08-12 07:09 (UTC)
digiorno: (♛ see straight through me)

[personal profile] digiorno 2021-08-12 07:40 am (UTC)(link)
[He could bring up the fact that he's a literal criminal again if he wanted to. Adrenaline junkies exist even outside of the criminal element, but they also very much exist inside it. On the Giovanna crazy flirting scale, this is like, a 2 maximum. Doesn't really matter, though.]

[Another shrug, easy and relaxed.]


I'm not claiming that I do. I don't exactly have experience with dating. Even if I did, my approach would probably not be any more traditional.

[. . . Hm. Is this something he can explain?]

I don't do things by halves. I can have fun, but I don't do . . . casual. Or small. I think people struggle with that.
digiorno: art by <user name="gabisart" site="tumblr.com"> (♛ precious to me)

[personal profile] digiorno 2021-08-12 08:29 pm (UTC)(link)
[He makes a noncommittal noise.]

[One thing he's learned about Riley . . . his instinct is always to get involved. To push. To make changes, whether they're asked for or not. But with Riley, it doesn't work that way. If she's pushed, she pulls back, back and back and back until she trips and falls. It's not worth it.]

[She has to take the first step.]


Maybe you don't like boys.

[And he's ready to meet her when she does.]
digiorno: (♛ ways of choosing)

[personal profile] digiorno 2021-08-13 04:20 am (UTC)(link)
[Hm. He's thoughtful for a moment, quiet, before shaking his head.]

Not necessarily. I don't think it works like that. Besides, it's . . .

[Quiet again. He remembers back to Christmas, the way she pulled away from him then before they understood each other, the way she assumed his intentions instinctively and shrunk from them. Their lives have been different, very different, but this might be the area most outside his realm of experience. He's never had to be Riley Williams, the pretty, bubbly, collectible cheerleader.]

There are expectations put on all of us. Some are harder to lose than others.
digiorno: art by pixiv id#16597857; icon by me (♛ all we have & ever will)

[personal profile] digiorno 2021-08-13 06:59 am (UTC)(link)
[He doesn't respond to her touch right away. This is complicated, no matter how simple he would like it to be for her. When she grips more tightly, he lets her do so, thinks, allows himself the moment to breathe; then it's the vine closest to her that creeps over her shoulder and loops itself around her wrist, between her fingers, and wraps around his arm under her hand. The whole of it squeezes, a gentle hug, before loosening enough that she can brush it off if she wants.]

Thinking it's fine on someone else isn't the same as thinking it's fine in you.

[For some reason he thinks about Steve, that first day on the ice. The backpedaling, that look — it's not the first time he's seen it and it won't be the last, that journey of it-doesn't-bother-me-but. It's not relevant, not really, but there are similarities. It's easier to accept some things in others than in oneself, for a lot of reasons.]

[A lot of reasons.]


Italian men don't look or act like me. No one ever said to my face that I wasn't measuring up, not in such clear language, but that doesn't mean I didn't hear the message. Things like that don't have to come in words, you know?

[Mm. And this . . .] What about Cai? [Because he saw enough of the dream, but this sounds new. Something Riley hasn't told him, all dreams aside.]
Edited 2021-08-13 07:25 (UTC)
digiorno: art by <user name="knightofbunnies" site="tumblr.com">; icon by <user name="unholey"> (♛ the seething earth)

[personal profile] digiorno 2021-08-13 07:42 pm (UTC)(link)
[Every time he hears another snippet about Cairo, he becomes just a little more impressed. By Riley's account, she's someone who just does what she wants and doesn't care what anyone else thinks. The kind of person he forces himself to see in the mirror every morning. He has a lot of respect for that.]

[He's not so surprised, then, to hear it from that side. That Riley allowed it, though . . .]

[He's quiet for a moment, but then he smiles, soft and unfiltered as his chin dips slightly.]


That makes me happy to hear, actually. I don't know if you put a lot of value on firsts. I don't usually, but — it's good that you kissed her for the first time, instead of someone you didn't know or care about.

[Or have any interest in, most likely.]
digiorno: (♛ & here's the frozen proof)

[personal profile] digiorno 2021-08-13 08:42 pm (UTC)(link)
[This time, she gets an unimpressed look.]

Do you really believe that?
digiorno: <user name="timestops"> (♛ too long)

[personal profile] digiorno 2021-08-13 11:41 pm (UTC)(link)
Mm.

[She's honest. It's more than he expects about this sort of thing most of the time, but today she seems to be more open. Maybe it's the immersion in a perfect world followed by a month's coma, or something.]

I have a hypothesis. Do you mind if I share it?
digiorno: (♛ baby just enough)

[personal profile] digiorno 2021-08-14 03:55 am (UTC)(link)
[Another step forward. She takes one, and so does he. Metaphorically, that is. They've been walking this whole time, but there's a difference.]

I think that, because you knew what it was like with her, those boys who went after her could never measure up. No matter how much you wanted them to, you knew better. That it wasn't what you wanted.

Is there anything to that?
Edited 2021-08-14 03:56 (UTC)
digiorno: (♛ i ain't never been afraid to die)

[personal profile] digiorno 2021-08-14 05:30 am (UTC)(link)
[He slows with her, of course. Stops with her. Lays his other hand over hers on his arm, this time, alongside the vine that tightens slightly.]

That's okay.

[Not it's okay, even though he thinks it is. It's clear that Riley doesn't feel okay right now. Unstable, walking some tightrope he can't even see. But it's okay, he tells her, that she's never thought of it before. And,] Go slowly. There's no deadline, Riley.

. . . Do you want to find somewhere to sit?
digiorno: (♛ we are the poisoned youth)

[personal profile] digiorno 2021-08-14 05:48 am (UTC)(link)
[By now, he knows every park in Bavan by heart. He doesn't even have to try hard to remember where the nearest one is and how to get there from here. With a squeeze of her hand, he tugs her down a narrow side street, out through a square, and half a block south — and there it is, a small patch of green in the middle of the city.]

[There's a small, rather clumsily-built pond next to a bench just a few yards in. That's where he leads her, tugging her down to sit next to him. Instead of restarting conversation right away, taking the reins back himself, he leans his shoulder against her shoulder, then his temple against hers. Just for a moment, before pulling back to give her space.]

[He loves her, that's all. There are plenty of ways to say it without speaking.]
digiorno: icon by me; art by pixiv #1073516 (♛ "where the party's at?")

[personal profile] digiorno 2021-08-14 07:27 am (UTC)(link)
[Oh boy. That sounds . . . uncomfortably familiar. The noise he huffs out is nebulous, not quite one thing or another. Whatever its nuances, it's directed entirely at himself.]

I'm going to tell you something. I'd appreciate it if you kept it between us.

[He doesn't ask her to promise, because it's not something he'd even think of worrying about. Not from Riley. Not about this. Still, he can't help but hesitate before he speaks. It's such a strangely personal and, to him, just strange thing to even think about, let alone say out loud.]

. . . I decided several years ago that I wasn't interested in "this stuff". Not because it wasn't working, but because I didn't want to try. For a lot of reasons — I didn't want people near me. I didn't like or trust anyone. I found the idea of pretending to be someone I wasn't repulsive, and I didn't see any way to engage with other people genuinely without risk. And I was busy. I was working towards something. I didn't have time for distractions.

[Not exactly the same, then, but not all that different, either. This time, when he squeezes her hand, it's for his own comfort.]

It worked for a long time, and I thought I was being very successful, but I wasn't. I didn't have nearly as much control over it as I thought I did. Which isn't . . . I didn't like that. I still don't. But I can't stop myself from . . .

[Hm, no. Now it's his turn to trail off. Staring down at his hand resting over hers, he sighs, feeling prickly and uncomfortable, but not as bad as he could be, considering he's never put any of this into words before.]

I don't think anyone can, [is where he ends up. No one can shut love off entirely. There's no perfect self-isolation. There's always a way for someone to break in.]

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