isawallflower | RYSLIG; ic inbox

[Of course he does. His smile is small, but real.]

Well. You did say she kept on trying. I don't know her, but I know you, and I know what you've said about her, so I imagine her to be . . . strong and uncompromising, with a fierce sense of self.

Am I right?

[Go on, Riley, talk about your girlfriend.]

[ It's weird talking about Cairo in this context. It's always been easy, just talking about her best friend, but now...

Riley flushes just a little. ]

She's uncompromising. She... Sometimes it seems like she doesn't have any ambition, you know? Always going to parties, just...joking around. But at the same time, she knows what she wants and she just...she goes for it. And it always seems effortless. ...Even though I know it's not. We- there's always been sides of us that...we only share with each other. It's... She used to be the only person I felt comfortable seeing me cry.

[He makes a soft noise of understanding. Having one person who was allowed to see her cry . . . well, he understands that perfectly well. It hasn't been for nearly as long — after all, he didn't have any childhood friends — but that's what Mista is for him. The person who gets to see him fall apart.]

You don't need to hang onto your control when it's just her. You can let go for a little while. And she can with you, too. Even though she's so strong, she lets herself not be with you when she needs to.

[Hm. Secretively, he smiles.]

You meet her high standards. Impressive.

...Yeah.

[ Her smile flickers, just a little bit. ]

Did...I ever tell you how we became friends?

[ No. She knows the answer's no, she never talks about this anymore, never talks about the shy, scared little girl she wants to forget she was, wants to forget she still is. ]

We'd been in the same school for...awhile, but we didn't... We weren't really in a lot of classes together until fourth grade. I was— ...Things were getting...worse, at home. My, uh...my brother just went off to college, and...well, my parents...always liked him a lot better. [ She lets that sit for just a few moments, before hurrying on. ] Anyway, it meant— well, I was always...quiet? But it was harder. I...didn't know what to...say, or do, to make them feel better, and...it harder to express myself, too.

[ Her stutter kept getting worse. And they just...kept talking over her. Didn't have time for her. ]

It was the first day of class, and...all the other kids, I'd been in homeroom with most of them before. None of them wanted to, you know...sit by me, but Cairo—

[ Again, she pauses, envisioning the moment in her mind. ]

She...walked over to the empty seat, and...introduced herself. When it took me a moment to, um...respond, one of the other kids... He told her to watch out, that...if she wasn't careful, she might...catch my stutter.

[ Her eyes rest on her lap. Even the memory of it's alienating and uncomfortable. Relaying this, it's...terrifying. ]

All the other kids started laughing. I almost missed it, 'cause I wanted to just...get up and run, but Cairo, she—

[ Despite herself, her smile grows again. Now, the memory's so very warm. ]

She punched him right in the face.

Edited 2021-09-09 03:50 (UTC)

[He listens. Carefully and calmly, like he always tries to when Riley tells him about her life before. It's difficult sometimes, because often what she has to say is infuriating. He has a lot of feelings about it, about her family especially. So he's always deliberate in the way he listens and doesn't speak.]

[But oh boy, does she catch him off guard this time. He's listening sedately, nodding every few sentences, until his sedate nodding runs headfirst into the sentence she punched him right in the face.]

[And he laughs. No, more accurately, he hoots, a sound whose volume would be totally out of bounds for Giorno normally — but he can't help himself.]

What the fuck, Riley!

[He's mostly covered his mouth with one hand now, but he's still laughing, absolutely disbelieving.]

What the hell, why haven't you ever told me that? That's incredible. That's the best thing I've ever heard. Good!

[WIFE HER]

Well, it makes sense now, how could you not develop a decade-long simmering crush after that. [be quiet idiot]

[ Riley starts, waving her hands and shushing Giorno. ]

Shhh, shhhhh!! Not so loud!! [ As if someone might hear them, which is ridiculous—two monsters in a park, everyone's giving them such a wide berth. ] It's n—

[ no. ]

I didn't- know, what I was- no one'd ever done something like that for me before!

[See, all this does is make him laugh more quietly but harder, a sort of wheezy giggle that's the height of indignity. Hee hee hee. He might be embarrassed later. Maybe.]

Well, obviously!

[Generally speaking, if someone does that kind of thing for you once, you keep them around.]

It's very sweet. She was incredible even when you were so young, and not afraid of anything, nor tolerant of bullshit. I'm just saying I'm not surprised, Riley. [hee hee hee]

Edited 2021-09-09 04:22 (UTC)

[ Riley wants to shove him off the bench, but that would be a) rude and b) too attention-drawing. This is embarrassing!! ]

She— [ She's blushing quite hard now. ] She just...amazed me. She decided to do something, and she did it. She chose what she wanted to do, she- she chose...me.

[ She'd told Giorno something a few times. He's her first friend—that she's made on her own. The other girls on the squad never really...counted. She liked them well enough, but even before everything turned out how it did, she was always a little too overbearing. A little too much. The only reason she ever talked to other people before Ryslig was Cairo. So, when she stopped talking to Cairo, she didn't talk to anyone.

It was...lonely. ]

I never, like...told you about this 'cause, I- really didn't know...why she did. [ ... ] And 'cause I spent like four months not talking to her before all this but- mostly that one.

[Just saying, Riley, he deserves some rude sometimes. He's very rude. But you do you, girl.]

[He does quiet down, though, listening carefully to what she tells him. Riley is like him, he knows. She worked very, very hard to be likeable, to be charming, to be perfect. The best. But back then, she didn't even think to try. Just like Haruno, she existed, and even that was some days too much.]

[He never had someone like that when he was a child. The closest he had was Mista, who just . . . decided they were friends, and that was that. But even that was after he'd taken deliberate action to make himself admirable. Nothing he did in front of any of them was lacking in calculation. He was always deliberate. Cairo, though, just decided. And Riley doesn't understand.]

[He's not sure he understands, either.]

I don't know. It's strange, isn't it? It's so different from the way we were. I never . . . acted, really, when I was younger. I never did anything. So seeing someone take action in that way, it's hard to understand what could motivate them. But me now, today, I think I would do something like that if what I was watching was wrong and I knew I could stop it. Or fix it.

[A beat.]

You really have to stop not talking to people for months when you're upset, you know. [Hypocrite.]

[ It's the contrast between the softness of the moment and how he utterly drags her that sparks a soft, offended little squeak. Riley's feathers puff up a bit as she fights to keep from pouting. ]

You're one to talk! And I was- it was 'cause she'd know, okay? [ Ah... Those ruffled feathers flatten, because they're talking about it again. About what she did. ] She knows me better than anyone, if...I even looked at her, she'd figure me out.

[ And then, she'd really lose her for good. That's what Riley thought. They've established that's what Riley thought. ]

...Maybe it would've been...better, if she did.

Edited 2021-10-04 01:33 (UTC)

[That makes sense, when she says it like that. And that's another difference. Cairo could see through Riley no matter what. She has someone who can tell when something's wrong, regardless of the situation. Giorno's never had that. It's such a strange thing to think about. The closest would be Mista, but he can lie to Mista. It's not even very hard. He just doesn't like to.]

. . . Maybe. It's hard to know with something like that. And you like to — hm. [The ghost of a smile. He bumps her shoulder.] Control optics, just like I do. Maybe it would have been worse to have her figure it out just by looking at you. I'm starting to think that the only way to control things in such a situation is by being forthcoming and honest.

[Which, yuck. He wrinkles his nose.]

Although she obviously didn't figure out you've got a big crush on her, so she can't be completely all-knowing.

[ With a barely contained screech: ]

Giorno, stooop, this is really difficult!!!

Okay, okay . . . !

[He doesn't apologize, because he isn't sorry. He just smiles at her, gentle and encouraging, even if also a little bit wicked.]

You're doing really well, for what it's worth. It's more complicated for you than it should be, given the situation, and it's already complicated enough by default.

[ Her feathers slightly ruffled, she bites her lip as her talons twirl idle patterns in the dirt. Initial distress has faded to the normal lowkey anxiety constantly buzzing beneath her skin. ]

You shouldn't praise me all that much. It's my own fault it's like this anyway.

Sure.

[Easy enough. That he can't really deny, but it's not that simple either, is it.]

But you could have made things complicated and then just refused to look at it forever. You're trying, which is hard. You can't make me discount the strength that that takes.

[ Typical Giorno. Shooing away her poisonous thoughts with a wave of his hand. She wonders...if anyone's ever known her in this way before. ]

...It's only thanks to that dream. I dunno...if I ever would've looked at it, without that. Or...looked at me.

Mm . . . those dreams.

[He's quiet for a moment. Contemplative, leaning into her and staring forward at nothing. Is that really right, though?]

Maybe. I haven't done much self-reflection about the whole thing, though. I've mostly tried to forget about it. So I can't say it's exactly a universal experience.

Edited 2021-10-14 02:23 (UTC)

[ She shrugs the shoulder he's not leaning against. ]

I just... I never thought about it before, you know? Not- I mean, not like that. Never thought about...having her for a- um, girlfriend, or even...liking girls. But there it was...

[ She breathes out, slowly. ]

I was so happy.

[I was so happy.]

[Despite himself, he finds a tiny smile growing on his lips. Despite the fact that the whole experience hurt so incredibly badly. Despite the fact that it didn’t teach him anything except that his ideal world is not achievable. Despite how easy it is to feel empty right now and how hard it is to care enough to change that—]

[He likes to hear that. That she was happy. It’s not something Riley talks about, really. Happiness.]

I see. So there's no way you can't think about it, because it comes as such a surprise.

[For a few moments he’s quiet, thoughtful. Just sitting in her presence, warm at her side. And then he moves one hand slightly and rests it on the inside of her wrist, a gentle tap. Like a reminder.]

You know . . . you can be happy like that, Riley. It doesn’t have to just be in the dream.

[ What he says sounds foreign. She's tried so hard to be happy. Forced herself. Forced herself so hard that something inside her broke.

She looks at Giorno with a fragile little smile. ]

I sure hope so.

[She breaks his heart, sometimes. When he smiles back at her, his smile is just as fragile.]

Can I give you a hug? I'm not very good at them, but I would like to try.

[ Oh, um. After a small moment, she nods and doesn't even wait for him to initiate. Riley just squirms into his arms and holds on for dear life. ]

[Ah. Yeah, she hits him like an anxious freight train, but — that's okay. That's good. With an exaggerated oof, he wraps his arms around her, squeezing tight around her shoulders and, on instinct, giving her a kiss on the top of her head.]

Let's keep trying, okay? I will if you will. And the things that don't feel safe to tell anyone else — about this, you know — I won't judge you. It's okay if it's messy. It's okay to . . .

[Oh. What's the best way to put this. He rests his cheek on top of her head, thoughtful.]

To still be hatching.

[There. That's good enough.]

[ Buried in Giorno's hold, she lets out a single little sniffle. Just one. ]

...Did you just...make a bird joke at me? [ It sounds like she might be smiling a little. Just a bit. ]

[Oh. There's a moment of perplexed silence.]

Not on purpose. But yes.

[. . .]

Wow, there are really a lot of bird jokes someone could make at you, aren't there? [Being a harpy must be troubling.]

RYSLIG; ic inbox

no subject

no subject

no subject

cw: parental neglect, bullying

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

punches myself in the face for taking so long to reply to this honestly

punches myself back

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, CHEERYCHERRY. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 019.46.820.17 * CHEERYCHERRY has joined 019.46.820.17 <CHEERYCHERRY> It's Riley! <CHEERYCHERRY> Please leave a message! <CHEERYCHERRY>** Please be someone with their priorities sorted out properly!