isawallflower | RYSLIG; ic inbox

I won't go anywhere, I won't leave you.

[Not like Aurelian, stolen from his arms with the assassination of his first wife. Not like Eucryphia, forced to grow up parentless because of the Fog God's wishes. His embrace tightens all the more around her, the warmth of bodies and blood and ruffled feathers caught in the threshold to Riley's quiet, lonely apartment.

He doesn't want to let go, but with an anxious flick of his tufted tail, her sets he back down. He tries to peel her arms from around him and instead, the cool opal of his hand finds her own. He gives it a squeeze.]

Let's go inside, alright? Have you eaten?

[She probably hasn't, even he hasn't, the anguish of abandonment still fresh in the back of his own mind.]

I must warn you though, I'm not as good of a cook in reality.

[ As she shifts in his arms and her talons touch the floor again, all Riley can do is hold tighter, more desperate. All she wants is to be there, closer, to chase away the memories of the man who unintentionally taught her how to smile through her loneliness and pain. She'd much rather drown in the delusion once more, and the thought of being taken away from that—

...Eridanus' gentle squeeze of her her hand quells the panicked thoughts. Her grip loosens, just a little, and she cranes her neck back; he's even taller than in the memories that never were, but Riley catches herself thinking he's always seemed larger than life, to her. Her father, strong and powerful...

Maybe it's another sign that she's crazy, that she decides not to correct these thoughts.

She gives a miniscule shake of her head. ]

I'm not... not hungry, anyway. [ The other cravings are soon to return, she knows. She hopes...she won't have to indulge in that again, not any time soon.

Regardless, she lets Eridanus help her back into her messy, messy apartment, despite the growing shame at it. ] I don't r- um... There's...not a lot to...eat here, too.

[Eridanus deflates with her words, not from disappointment, but perhaps relief. His expression is still kind, even behind the veined opal scars and the maw that claims half of his face in its monstrous cage, it's still the familiar face of her once-father. His hand remains threaded with hers, just as unwilling to let go as she is.]

I'm not hungry, either. [He chuckles, his baritone voice soft with the tenderness of trying not to scare a small animal,] but I want to make sure you are eating, okay?

[Still, her apartment is in disarray, and at the sight of it, something stirs within his chest. Despite his reluctance to let go a moment before, he gives her hand a squeeze before pulling away. He sweeps into the room proper on long legs, setting down the wrapped jacket and bouquet before stooping down to pluck up her bloodied feathers.]

I know that changing back isn't easy, it never is, [he knows the feeling well, having endured it multiple times now. It was hardest on the return from Felfri, where he hadn't been a fraction—but his real, original self,] but you mustn't hurt yourself, alright? You are a precious gem, Riley.

[ For countless months, this man, among others, has reached out a hand to her. Outside of a few exceptions, kind words and encouragement from those significantly older than her have been met with a dismissive smile, a wave of her hand, and the simple reason is they don't know her. If they knew, they wouldn't say these things, after all. As she lets people get close to her, they find out what she's really like, be it her broken home or her murdering her friends. They'll find out she's struggling, and then they'll abandon her, like her parents did.

But here's the issue with that logic now, this man has watched her grow up. It's a different life, a different place, but— but especially those last few days had proven, Riley was still, in many ways, Riley. That false world filled her mind with parallel memories, little ways that even in a different environment, with different people, she still grew into...a very similar girl. This man has seen her and still, he's kind. ]

I, um. It's...not... [ A precious gem. No one's ever called her something like that before, particularly not someone who she looks at and thinks father. He's covered in rocks, four eyes adorn his face, he's got horns, a tail—but she looks at him and sees the man in her false memories, the one who raised her with love and care. ] This really...isn't what it looks like.

[ As he scoops feathers into his hand, he'll find the blood's long-dried, revealing what Riley desperately doesn't want to say: The state of her apartment isn't necessarily a recent development. Indeed, her current plumage is pristine, not a feather out of place. This mess, it's not like her, not from home or from the alternate Ryslig. ]

[Whether it was recent, whether it was months old, it hardly matters to Eridanus—not when the look he shoots her over his shoulder is very much the stern insistence of a parent. He suddenly stops in his cleaning, and straightens. His body is rigid, that familiar stern expression of a scolding plainly worn on his face but when he returns to Riley, there is no reprimand on his tongue. He looks down at her, rather, with understanding.]

We are not Soelbergs, [his tone is firm, dispelling the fantasy of their previous lives,] we are not tied by blood, dearest Riley, but by destiny.

[Eridanus then holds one of her bloodied, fiery feathers before her aquiline gaze and twists it between his glittering talons.]

My house — the Sungazer house — is a proud family. We have faced many challenges, both within and without. Yet time and again, we rise... and do you know why? It is because we are like the phoenix in which we bare the sigil of. She rises from her ashes, time and again, screaming her birth cry towards the everlasting sun in oath to keep going.

[He places the feather back into the crook of his arm, before walking the small, collected pile towards the garbage can. There, he drops them in, as if it were the very symbolism of shedding the old and embracing the new.]

We are not blood, but you are a Sungazer, Riley. You are a phoenix and you will overcome any adversity that comes your way, I promise you this, [Eridanus glances at her, again over his shoulder, as his tone goes soft,] but if ever it is hard, and you need someone to be the wind beneath your wings, you must call me. I will fly to your side, no matter what.

[ Casting away the false world leaves her breathless, little needles poking into her heart over and over. No, don't let it fall away. Don't take it away from her. She's almost too desperate to hear him—but she does.

She does hear him.

A phoenix.

A beautiful, majestic creature that rises from the ashes of its failure.

Tears sparkle in her avian eyes. The apartment's dark, but she takes everything in. ]

I...

[ Her talons click and clack on the hardwood floor as she follows, as if afraid to be too far away. ]

I am...? I'm a Sungazer...? E- even though...though w-w-we're not— I'm st-still—

[ Ah... The vague memories of earlier, more effective speech therapy fade from her mind. Her parents didn't care to enroll her in it, after all, until she herself asked, with Cairo's support. Her parents didn't care to think it was a problem they could solve, just another part of her that made her wrong, bad. Another way she was, inherently, lesser. Eridanus regards her with such kindness, but she can't see beyond those fears. ]

[His eyes are not as sharp as hers, through the dim of the room he can't make out the tears that threaten her. But he hears the tremble in her voice, the way her mouth quivers around the words she's afraid to speak.

He hears them, and he wishes he could reach into Riley's past and undo whatever has built her up to feel this way.

Eridanus' glittering hands find her flushed cheeks, cupping them tendering in a hold that feels far too gentle for such dangerous claws. His thumbs are careful in the way they swipe under her eyes to wipe away her shame and her fear.]

Of course you are, have I not been watching over you since the first moment we met?

[His own voice sounds near-breaking, as if the carefully built walls around his own emotions were slowly crumbling away.

Eridanus pulls Riley to his chest, back into a tight hug to reassure her that he isn't going anywhere.]

Despite that false life, my love for you is real. I will always support you, that is what family is.

[ It's not the man in either set of memories pulling her close, as she stands there, wide-eyed and still, quiet. ]

Th-that's— [ Not for her, because she hadn't proven herself yet, because she wasn't good enough yet. That's what she thought. Overtime, that warped, into everyone's holding me back, into they're pulling me down, into they have to pay. Why'd she cut and bleed people, cut and bleed herself...for them?

She takes a few quick, shallow breaths. Conflicting memories fight, of starting to cry and reach for her mother's arm only to be told off, and of Erin Soelberg embracing her, much like now, arms big enough to wrap her up completely. She doesn't know if she's allowed to cry, and it paralyzes her, trying to sort through it. One lifetime where she believed it made her unworthy or less, one lifetime where her family chased away any negative thought with hugs and kisses. ]

I'm sorry. [ She squeaks that out, trying to stop from trembling in his arms, and failing. ] I-I s-s- sorry I c-called you— I didn't- didn't- I didn't kn-know.

[ She shuts her eyes and the tears flow free again. She takes to murmuring, mumbling. ]

You're...a g-good...father...

It's alright, Sunshine...

[His voice is a soft coo as his claws run over her feathered hair once more, the feel of her trembling form so impossibly small in his large arms. It no longer feels as if he is comforting a replacement, but his very own daughter. One he can actually support, and be there for—unlike the children he was forced to leave behind. This is a chance, he reminds himself, to make up for all the missed opportunities to right his wrongs.

Eridanus threads his fingers tightly against the base of Riley's skull, not so firm that it would hurt her, but to be the anchor she could lean on. To allow her the comfort of weeping into his chest, without judgement. He holds her there, protectively, with no sign of wanting to let go.

Riley is his, now. Whomever her parents before were, they did not deserve her.]

You did not know — you were harmed, protecting yourself, and I don't hold any of it against you. [Eridanus relaxes enough that he can pull Riley's face up to look him in the eye,] but I will never harm you. I want for nothing but your health and happiness, dear Riley... okay? Do you trust me?

[ Trust him? The answer is implicit, unshakeable. As she looks at him, she doesn't see a man she met five months ago in a dingy dirt cell underground; no, she sees one who's always protected her. She sees safe and loved and home. She sees what she's always wanted, what she's desperate to use to paint over her childhood of neglect and insecurity.

This is the man who taught her to cook. The man who watched her play at the park. The man for whom she, unwaveringly—

Riley opens her mouth to answer, but...that chokes her. When she closes her eyes, she sees him laid out in front of her, eyes sparkling. Around her the air sets in, hot and sticky, like she can still smell his blood, the blood that sank into her skirt and skin as she kneeled in his jail cell for hours upon hours.

The flash of worry and fear that crosses her face lasts but a moment. Then, she manages to give a quick nod with a wet little gulp of affirmation. ]

Mm- mmhm. [ Another nod, fervent. ] Mm- y- yes.

[He sees it. Whether she's trying to hide it and failing, or that she wants him to see it, he does. The swallow, inaudible to ears not heightened but seen in the way her jaw tightens and her shoulders inch towards her ears. It's in tight lips and knit brows and eyes that plead to look away, to not stare at the gaping wound just opened up front of him.

But Eridanus can't look away, he can't pretend like Riley is so used to the adults in her life doing. How many centuries had he pretended, as if out of sight out of mind actually worked.

The way he grabs her by shoulders that feel impossibly small and weak (but trying) is firm. The way his gaze pleads with hers to not brush him away but let him in as his lips part. It's that moment of every parent's life. The make it or break it.]

What's wrong, Riley? [Eridanus asks, voice gentle but coaxing. Moments before he told her she could tell him anything, and that includes right now,] what's bothering you?

[ That look. She can't remember ever seeing it. Not on the faces of her parents, or teachers, or...even in that other life. That Riley was a good, sweet girl, one who hadn't been turned away by her family for whatever painful reason, one who hadn't given into the dark whispers in her mind. She wonders if the only reason that girl had done what she'd done was because this Riley, the liar, had slipped through, and—

This isn't the sort of attention she's used to receiving. She can't look away, even though she wants to. If she tells him, everything comes crashing down. If she tells him, any fantasy she wants to cultivate shatters. If she tells him... ]

I... [ Tears pool at the corners of her avian eyes. ] Af- after...you were... I...

[ Everything in her screams to stop. But...she trusts him. ]

A- Aunamee, he...

[Aunamee?

Eridanus's eyes widen, along with the way his grip unconsciously tightens on Riley's shoulder. Ariel is Aunamee. He should've known. It's all she has to say, all she has to show him. How foolish he was to think the mere presence of a face could mask that same cloying voice—and he had fallen right into it like a fly to a honeyed trap.

His grip relaxes before it can hurt her, and instead curls around Riley's nape to comfort her.]

It's okay, sweetheart. Take your time.

[He keeps his tone even, comforting. He has to force down the bile that rises in his throat, and ignore the fury that sears through his veins and threatens to rupture through his skin.

For Riley, he tells himself. He must be strong for when she isn't.]

Did Aunamee hurt you? Threaten you? Tell me.

[ Her head shakes, almost imperceptibly. No. No, it's not that. It's— ]

I killed him.

[ The words stick in her throat, leaving them heavy and low. At the same time, they're soft, fragile, like she is, like they'll break. Just three words, and yet she's terrified to let them out. ]

[Seething anger like the darkening ocean, suddenly clears as if the parting of overhead clouds shines the everlasting sun on them. Eridanus' tail wags, and the smile that spreads wide across his features is nothing short of pleased.]

Ha! [He huffs, as if the murder was a triumph committed by his own hand,] I'm so very proud of you, Riley! That worm had it coming.

[And then his strong arms are wrapped around her once more, pulling Riley off of the ground with a warm hug.]

You must've been so terrified, my dear. Thank you for avenging me.

[ And Riley? She's just confused.

All at once, he's cheering and smiling. He's lifting her off the ground, and she's too stunned to do anything but go limp like a ragdoll. ]

You— But, I— I...killed him, isn't that- why are you...?

Riley.

[Eridanus' tone firms up, and when he pulls back, the way he lifts her in the air is not unlike the way one would hold a cat during a scolding.]

Aunamee is a serial killer. While that world no longer exists, you did what a justice system could not. What if he was released? Allowed to continue on his bloody path?

[A man who is always left to take, and take, and take needs to be knocked down once in awhile.]

You did that world a great service, but now you must be careful. If anything seems out of the ordinary, if Aunamee dares to show his face near you, I need you to fly away immediately. Come get me. Lucius and I will handle him for you.

[ But...that's bad, right? Isn't it bad, that she killed someone? That's what countless sleepless nights tried to tell her, what the hissing voice in the back of her head said. It's why she had to keep it locked up. Keep it from everyone. ]

The police, they... They caught him, but I... [ Riley doesn't process, doesn't understand. She'd spent hours in that cell, trying to understand what lead her there, the thoughts the desires. Now, she's slowly realizing... No one she's ever killed before has come after her for revenge.

Huh. ]

...You think...he's going to try to...to...

[ A serial killer. And he remembered her. ]

He's a spiteful little worm, [Eridanus clicks his tongue as he lowers Riley to the floor, careful of her footing before he removes the support of his hands beneath her arms.] I'm sure he already bears somewhat of a grudge against me for maiming him in February.

[It's the only part of that memory he's fond of, naturally. Just the reminiscing of seeing Aunamee made to kneel by the strike to his knee has Eridanus smiling impishly behind the guard of his opal maw. But that's neither here nor there—the fear in Riley's eyes is plain to him, and his priority should be abating that.]

While I cannot guarantee he will or won't, I would not put it past him. That is why it's imperative that you tell me if and when he seeks retaliation.

[His hands rest upon her shoulders once more, giving them an assuring squeeze as they do.]

M- maimi—

[ There is a part of her that wants to know about this, on some level. However, that part is not very big, so she smothers it easily.

If and when... Riley quietly nods. Some of the fear abates, from Eridanus' warm touch. But she keeps picturing the way Aunamee looked at her, when he remembered. ]

...Thank you. I'm not...really...not about to try and...do that on my own again.

[Eridanus smooths his hands over the feathers that crest the slope of her shoulders, patting down the ones that have ruffled in a way that's reminiscent of a parent wiping dirt off of their child's face. Riley is worried, and rightly so, but his one hope is that she believes him when he says that she isn't alone.]

You won't have to, you have me, my sweet girl.

[He casts a smile down upon her, warm and fond.]

If Aunamee dares to harm a single feather on your head, death will be too merciful for the likes of him.

[ This shouldn't be so reassuring. She's not entirely ignorant, she can put two and two together. Especially when thinking back on what she'd already been suspecting, with Eridanus and Lucius. The man she's willingly making her father, he has some...intimate knowledge with hurting others. Perhaps he enjoys it.

Perhaps, but. He affectionately straightens out her feathers. He kindly smiles at her. She's hungered for this, for so long that that's what matters most to her, that this is sincere. Riley drinks the moment in, despite it all, and manages to shakily return his smile. ]

You'll...take care of me.

[ It's enough to chase away the budding worries about her own character.

That, and a small bunch of fur brushing up against her leg; Maple's come to check out the commotion, it seems. ]

[Eridanus' smile doesn't dim with her words and, affectionately, he lifts a finger to tip her chin up to him. He basks in the nervous glow of her smile, taking it for now, considering she's still likely shaken up with everything that's happened. He had days to mend those shattered thoughts, his mind broken, where as she has had mere hours.]

I will take care of you, Sunshine. [He pulls his talon from her chin, instead cupping her cheek in the gentle palm of his opaline hand,] from the moment you were born, until the very last star in the galaxy burns out, I will watch over and protect you — that, I promise.

[In that moment, his attention is wholly on Riley, until he feels the gentle brush of Maple at his ankle. Eridanus lowers himself from his tip-toed height, then crouches down to his haunches to run gentle claws along the kitten's spine.]

He's much bigger than when I last saw him.

[At Hestia's. Not... in that other world.]

[ His hand is so warm. Memories from the other world spin around her, slotting in over time after time of broken promises, halfhearted reassurances, or just plain old disinterest. Forever. He's going to protect her forever. For a moment, Riley's lost in bliss, grinning like a child through tears.

And then Maple pulls Eridanus' attention away, leaving her to collect herself. When she runs her knuckle over her eye to keep herself from crying again, for once it's not rough and punishing. ]

Y- yeah. Yeah, he's. He's become...a real troublemaker.

[ Even though she says this, Maple just seems happy to rub against Eridanus, purring joyfully. ]

I suppose that's simply another thing shared between those worlds.

[He's slowly, slowly becoming less bitter about it. Some aspects still bubble up through him like an insidious black mire—thoughts of his own naivety, of how easily he had fallen victim to Aunamee, of being separated from Lucius and his children—but here, like this, it's starting to feel... okay. He's not separated from his family, he tells himself, as his gaze turns from Maple and up towards Riley instead.

Eridanus rises again, scooping Maple up with him when he straightens. His claws continue to curl gently against his little furred chin, and though he wouldn't admit it aloud, he's become quite the cat-patting expert.]

You know, I still have Mr. Bigglesworth, [he smiles down at her,] you should come visit him sometime. I'm sure he'd love you just the same as he did before.

RYSLIG; ic inbox

no subject

cw: internalized ableism, the cannibalisms

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

cw: dissociation

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, CHEERYCHERRY. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 019.46.820.17 * CHEERYCHERRY has joined 019.46.820.17 <CHEERYCHERRY> It's Riley! <CHEERYCHERRY> Please leave a message! <CHEERYCHERRY>** Please be someone with their priorities sorted out properly!