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[ Riley's been pacing.

Steve's alive again, after almost a month. It's lifted a weight from her shoulders, but now she's even more aware of the other weights, dragging her down. In trying to figure out what to do about Danny, she's...well, she's started growing paranoid. It's not that she doesn't know who of her friends she can trust—it's that she doesn't know who else she wants to open up to this danger.

If she slips up, if Danny or Aunamee catch wind, if she tries to defend herself but can't prove...

So. She's been pacing. Nervous. When there's a knock on the door, she jumps, but only for a moment. Then her body relaxes, and her shoulders slump. She sits instead of going to answer the door, looking over her open laptop, at her correspondence with Danny. ]

Door's open, Cai! [ She assumes as she rubs at her temples, not looking up. ] What'd you even forget...?

[Ah. Not who Riley expects, but at this point, it doesn't bother her anymore. And she's been given the answer she needs, so. She twists the handle and pokes her head in, glancing around until she spots the familiar bright orange harpy.]

Um. Hi.
I, uh. I hadn't seen you around. I got worried.
Are you okay...?

[ It's maybe a little comical when Riley's neck stretches out in surprise. ]

Oh! Uh. Hi, um— I'm sorry, I didn't expect... Cairo just stepped out, so I figured she was just...doubling back...

[ She feels bad, that this keeps happening; it's not that she could possibly mistake the two girls, she just still isn't used to it, another girl who has her back like Cairo always has.

That starts to stir something in her, and she shuts it down, immediately. Riley doesn't shut her laptop, but she does look up from it in vague surprise. ]

I've just...been recovering, after... [ She trails off. Doesn't really know if she needs to say it. Thankfully, escape artist Maple makes a dash for the door out of nowhere, giving her an excuse not to. ] Oh, crap—

[ Please grab her son, Mukuro. ]

Ah--

[Sorry, Maple. You're quick, but Mukuro's quicker. She ducks down and scoops him up in her arms, holding him like a baby and tutting as she gently scratches under his chin.]

You're not allowed out, kitty.

[Her voice is very soft. She's so weak for cute animals. After a beat, she steps more completely inside and pushes the door shut with one footpaw, then pads over towards Riley to deposit her naughty boy nearby.]

...Anyway, it's okay. And - yeah, I get it.
I just - you know. After what happened...

[She gives a helpless shrug. After someone killed Steve, of all people, it's made her a lot more concerned about the others she knows. She admits this, in a voice so quiet it's almost to herself.]

...I just don't want anything bad to happen to you.

[ Maple lets out a piteous meow. He wanted to go exploring but soft cuddles are also okay. He likes Mukuro, she always gives good pets. After he's dumped near his mom, he decides he's not done with attention and starts walking on the coffee table. Riley lets him, it's fine. He starts rubbing his head against the corner of her chunky laptop.

Riley's also a little...distracted? Like she's clearly pretty distracted, and the hinting at...what happened, that doesn't help. ]

Nothing...bad's going to happen to me.

[ And yet...she doesn't sound very sure. She glances idly at her laptop. ]

[Mukuro's pretty bad at lying, but that doesn't mean Riley's getting away with it. She peers at her searchingly, muzzle twisted into a little frown.]

...What's wrong.

[Not asking "is something wrong," because there obviously is. The only question is whether Riley will let her help or not.]

[ At Mukuro's gaze, Riley looks away entirely. Should Mukuro follow her gaze to the laptop, it holds a conversation with someone using the username < Doctorize >. ]

It's— ...complicated, okay, I don't... ...I don't wanna put anyone else...on their radar.

Edited 2021-09-09 07:41 (UTC)

[Huh. Mukuro definitely snoops immediately, glancing to the screen.]

What's going on...?
You're skipping doctor appointments?

[Her tone is curious, rather than condemning. She hasn't seen a doctor herself in literal years, so it's not like she can really judge.]

[ Riley quickly closes the laptop, or...tries to. Maple's making himself a nuisance, trying to get in the way so he can get the attention. ]

Maple, shoo- I don't— it's just not working anymore, alright?

[Okay, this is weird. Riley's being so cagey, and Mukuro already knows most everything Riley would be scared to admit. So it follows that it isn't something Riley did, but someone else. This doctor, probably.]

I'm not - sorry. I'm not judging, I just...
...What do you mean, "on their radar."

[ Damn it. Damn it, she screwed up again. ]

Nothing. Just- ignore that, please.

[ Impatient, she snatches Maple up with one arm and slams her laptop shut with the other. ]

--Riley.

[She reaches to put her paws on Riley's shoulder, heavy and grounding, and stares into her eyes.]

Take a breath. It's gonna be okay.
Just - tell me what's going on.

[ Unfortunately, Riley squeezes her eyes shut just as Mukuro tries to look at her. She's trembling, just a little. ]

I don't want anyone else to get hurt! I- I don't know what else they'll do!

[Oh, Riley. As if admitting you might be in danger is supposed to make Mukuro less likely to stick her nose in it.]

Who? What's going on...?
I can - I want to help, Riley, I promised--

[Her voice is still gentle, but there's a bit more urgency in her tone. Riley is important to her, and Mukuro isn't about to let anything happen - especially after poor Steve had been killed.]

[ While she isn’t looking at Mukuro, she hears her. It cuts into her, that she promised. That she wants to help. Maple seems to realize his owner’s distress and nuzzles against her arm. And Riley, she’s not—

She doesn’t know what to do except shut her eyes tighter—before she opens them to show all the fear and resignation coursing through her, etched into her features. ]

He- he’s with Aunamee! This whole time— he’s been telling him…everything!

[Aunamee.

She'd suspected, but even so, hearing it confirmed makes her fur fluff up a little - and it just gets worse as it fully sinks in. Riley's doctor - someone she was supposed to trust, someone she opened up to, someone who held so much power - had betrayed her to one of the worst people on the peninsula.

She can feel the familiar burn rising in her throat but she won't let herself get too angry. Not yet. Not when Riley needs her. The fury, she can save for the people who deserve it. Instead, for now, she just - pulls Riley into a hug. Like maybe she could just keep all the bad things at bay, and keep Riley safe here. Even if it's not true.]

[ Riley doesn’t fight it. She doesn’t pull away. Just saying it out loud… It breaks the dam. ]

I didn’t know. I didn’t— I just wanted…help, I didn’t wanna- be like that, and- he was fine at first, I thought— he said he would help me, he said- he cared, but—

[ She shakes her head, burying it in Mukuro’s fur. ]

I know.

[Very, very soft. Riley needs soft, Riley needs safe. Not an angry beast.]

I know - you were trying.

[Her lip curls, fangs showing for one brief moment as Mukuro remembers that bastard Matsuda, but she fights it back down. She can't lose herself. Save it up, like brewing poison. Wait for when it's useful.]

...It's not your fault.

[ A quick, high-pitched bark of laughter bursts from her. It frightens Maple. ]

How didn't I notice?! I knew— I thought it wasn't- I didn't- how couldn't I realize h- he was making me worse?! How...am I that...?

[ There's not the same fire in it, as when she's usually hating herself. The more she says, the less convinced of it she sounds. The more she leans into Mukuro, lightly shaking. The more she... ]

...How...could anyone...do that, to...?

Riley, no -

[It's not her fault. It's not. She can feel stupid about it, Mukuro understands that, but it could never be her fault. Thankfully, that seems to be getting through to her, at least a little. Mukuro lets one hand stroke down her back. Gentle, soothing.

Her voice is still soft. Dangerously so.]

...Some people look for jobs that put them where they can have power over others. Because they can't get it any other way. Hurting others makes them feel stronger.

Some people are just worthless.

[Like their parents.]

[ Worthless. Like a girl no one would care about. Like a girl no one would miss—

Riley squeezes her eyes shut. ]

I keep...hearing things he said to me. I didn't- ...I found out, right before the...that dollhouse, and I keep...turning over everything we've talked about. All the things I thought were just...me that he...put there.

[ It's infuriating. It's horrifying. ]

Wh- what do I... I don't know what to do.

["i don't know what's me any more, muku-nee," in that amused-miserable wheeze, through a smile framed in tears.

she realizes she's gone very, very still. stiff as her namesake. it takes effort to breathe.]

...We'll figure it out.

[her voice sounds distant in her own ears.]

You can - if you're not sure, you can ask, and we'll figure it out.
I know you. And - Cairo knows you better.

[ Riley's in such distress. She doesn't notice, just how stiff Mukuro is. She'll look back on this as a mistake, later. ]

I c- can't! If I- she'll...she'll try and fight him, and I can't- she can't get h- hurt again, I won't...

Okay. Okay. We won't talk to her yet. Riley, breathe.
...It won't be forever.
You'll get better. It just takes time.

[She keeps her voice low and even, strokes Riley's back with mechanical precision. She remembers, holding Junko like this, giving soft yes/no answers when she'd choke out questions about herself. Helping rebuild her memories bit by bit, trying to undo all the damage he did to her. Just kids trying to repair a shattered glass, hands clumsy and slick with blood--

She takes a deep breath herself, and noses into Riley's hair.]

...I'll fix it.
I'll fix it.

[So, so quiet. Nearly inaudible, almost whispering to herself.]

[ It's too quiet. She doesn't hear.

That's a mistake, too.

Riley clings to Mukuro, like she has many times in the past. She's at a loss for what to do, how to fix this. Go after Danny, bring Aunamee's attention back on her. Let this continue, it's only a matter of time before he figures out she knows. What if... What if he asks? What if it puts Rachel in danger too...? So it's best to try and cut that off before it happens. But it turns both their eyes on her, fully, and what does she do then but stay silent...?

What this cyclical thought process does is leave her paralyzed. It's like she's a child again, with how scared she is. She can't find the words. She can't find any words. ]

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cw: therapy malpractice throughout the thread

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Big DR0 Sads

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WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, CHEERYCHERRY. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 019.46.820.17 * CHEERYCHERRY has joined 019.46.820.17 <CHEERYCHERRY> It's Riley! <CHEERYCHERRY> Please leave a message! <CHEERYCHERRY>** Please be someone with their priorities sorted out properly!