𝓡𝓲𝓵𝓮𝔂 𝓦𝓲𝓵𝓵𝓲𝓪𝓶𝓼 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
isawallflower) wrote2020-11-01 10:20 pm
isawallflower) wrote2020-11-01 10:20 pm
Entry tags:
RYSLIG; ic inbox
WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, CHEERYCHERRY. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 019.46.820.17 *** CHEERYCHERRY has joined 019.46.820.17 <CHEERYCHERRY> It's Riley! <CHEERYCHERRY> Please leave a message! <CHEERYCHERRY> Please be someone with their priorities sorted out properly! | ||||
main: CheeryCherry
anonymous: panthera, aed
retired: gflynn (anon)
no subject
I didn’t know. I didn’t— I just wanted…help, I didn’t wanna- be like that, and- he was fine at first, I thought— he said he would help me, he said- he cared, but—
[ She shakes her head, burying it in Mukuro’s fur. ]
no subject
[Very, very soft. Riley needs soft, Riley needs safe. Not an angry beast.]
I know - you were trying.
[Her lip curls, fangs showing for one brief moment as Mukuro remembers that bastard Matsuda, but she fights it back down. She can't lose herself. Save it up, like brewing poison. Wait for when it's useful.]
...It's not your fault.
no subject
How didn't I notice?! I knew— I thought it wasn't- I didn't- how couldn't I realize h- he was making me worse?! How...am I that...?
[ There's not the same fire in it, as when she's usually hating herself. The more she says, the less convinced of it she sounds. The more she leans into Mukuro, lightly shaking. The more she... ]
...How...could anyone...do that, to...?
no subject
[It's not her fault. It's not. She can feel stupid about it, Mukuro understands that, but it could never be her fault. Thankfully, that seems to be getting through to her, at least a little. Mukuro lets one hand stroke down her back. Gentle, soothing.
Her voice is still soft. Dangerously so.]
...Some people look for jobs that put them where they can have power over others. Because they can't get it any other way. Hurting others makes them feel stronger.
Some people are just worthless.
[Like their parents.]
no subject
Riley squeezes her eyes shut. ]
I keep...hearing things he said to me. I didn't- ...I found out, right before the...that dollhouse, and I keep...turning over everything we've talked about. All the things I thought were just...me that he...put there.
[ It's infuriating. It's horrifying. ]
Wh- what do I... I don't know what to do.
no subject
she realizes she's gone very, very still. stiff as her namesake. it takes effort to breathe.]
...We'll figure it out.
[her voice sounds distant in her own ears.]
You can - if you're not sure, you can ask, and we'll figure it out.
I know you. And - Cairo knows you better.
no subject
I c- can't! If I- she'll...she'll try and fight him, and I can't- she can't get h- hurt again, I won't...
Big DR0 Sads
...It won't be forever.
You'll get better. It just takes time.
[She keeps her voice low and even, strokes Riley's back with mechanical precision. She remembers, holding Junko like this, giving soft yes/no answers when she'd choke out questions about herself. Helping rebuild her memories bit by bit, trying to undo all the damage he did to her. Just kids trying to repair a shattered glass, hands clumsy and slick with blood--
She takes a deep breath herself, and noses into Riley's hair.]
...I'll fix it.
I'll fix it.
[So, so quiet. Nearly inaudible, almost whispering to herself.]
no subject
That's a mistake, too.
Riley clings to Mukuro, like she has many times in the past. She's at a loss for what to do, how to fix this. Go after Danny, bring Aunamee's attention back on her. Let this continue, it's only a matter of time before he figures out she knows. What if... What if he asks? What if it puts Rachel in danger too...? So it's best to try and cut that off before it happens. But it turns both their eyes on her, fully, and what does she do then but stay silent...?
What this cyclical thought process does is leave her paralyzed. It's like she's a child again, with how scared she is. She can't find the words. She can't find any words. ]