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[ As Maple wraps his paws around Giorno's finger, Riley's mouth drops open. ]

You were trying to take down a crime boss, Giorno? A crime boss who hired these people with...with super powers? Who tried to kill you? [ Incredulous doesn't do her surprise justice. ] ...No wonder you thought just stealing some pocket money was nothing big, god.

[It's so . . . strange. Looking at her, he realizes she isn't only the first friend he made on his own, but the first person he's ever been friends with who's a civilian — who has no Stand, no basis for understanding the life he's led or the city he came from, with all of its laws and the sub-laws that undercut them. The life she lived was so different from his that neither of them could even begin to navigate the other if they had been swapped.]

[How did he forget so quickly? He saw her as an ordinary person the first time they met, and then he just forgot, but he isn't sure how. She just became Riley, full stop.]

[His expression is strange, like he's a naturalist coming across a new species of bird for the first time right in his own backyard. A little wistful, maybe. After a moment, though, he smiles.]

Organized crime controls a massive amount of the Italian economy, Riley. It runs my city. There's no ignoring it. You can take part without question, be victimized, or try to change things.

[Just like that. Like it's that simple. Which for him, it was. After all, when he started this journey, he had no idea what the cost would be, because he had nothing to lose.]

[ It's so naïve of her, to think Giorno came from a life similar to her own. Maybe it's because they've both got family difficulties, maybe it's because he's seemed almost equally...stunted, in some ways. But how could that ever be? There was always something different about Giorno...but she didn't really question it.

He's her friend.

That's what really shines through, whenever she looks at him.

Riley simply frowns, forehead creasing with worried wrinkles. ]

So you...you get into trouble with criminals. With...people who could kill you.

[ It makes some of the fears and worries of high school seem so small, so miniscule in comparison. ]

[Both things can be true. He can be all of these things — just like her and nothing like her. He likes that he's both. That Riley has never had to do the things he's done. Not these things, anyway.]

[At first he thought it would be difficult to relate to her, but it isn't really. There's so much overlap. They're so similar. She just . . . didn't go looking for trouble, did she.]

That's what I wanted to do, mmhm. I decided . . . for a lot of reasons, that it was the best thing I could do. For myself and my home.

[Slowly, his smile fades into something a little more cautious.]

Are you . . . upset with me? [That's not the emotion he sees in her eyes. But he doesn't know the words for what he's seeing. It's frustrating.]

[ Riley wrinkles her nose. She looks at him in disbelief, letting out a light huff of a mirthless laugh. ]

Why in the world would I be upset with you? I'm worried, you noble idiot.

[ It's a big thing that she feels comfortable enough to poke at him, to let down that pleasant façade in favor of something more rough, more real. Even when expressing concern, she keeps herself even and perky. Not here, not now.

Not with Giorno. ]

[She’s worried about him. That’s . . . it’s not the first time someone’s said that to him, but before it was just Mista, and that’s different. Mista’s one of only two people in existence and the only one here who knows exactly what he went through, every good and bad and complicated thing he did. And Mista’s different anyway, some complex subspecies of normal that does hard things but stays soft anyway. Whereas Riley . . . Riley’s just—]

[It means a lot, that she’d worry. Despite everything. Despite calling him an idiot at the same time. His smile is soft, now, albeit a little fragile.]

Well, I succeeded, and I didn’t die. So you don’t have to worry about that much, at least.

[He didn’t die. Gained a lot, lost a lot, when before he really didn’t have a thing to lose but his life. Some days he’d give it to undo everything else. Most days he recognizes that even if he could, he’d probably elect not to. This whole thing was for a reason. That’s what he has to remember. Face forward and step into the future.]

[He only contains so much nobility, no matter what she thinks.]

. . . Some of the people we went up against, I couldn’t tell much about them for a while, if at all. But sometimes I could learn something right away just because of this power. Some are more telling than others. So even before I saw this man in person, I knew there was something wrong with him. As soon as we got close to him, people started dropping, covered in mold and being eaten — decomposed — in moments. I thought: what kind of person holds that much joy in destruction in their hearts?

[ Riley tries her best to keep a relatively neutral expression. She's listening, and he's okay, so she's trying her best to respect his incredibly dangerous choices, particularly because she doesn't have a single leg to stand on in that regard and she's...trying, very hard, to acknowledge that more.

However, all that fails when Giorno starts explaining the specifics of this person, the one who brought on this impromptu conversation to begin with. She almost drops her petit four, mouth falling open. ]

He decomposed people? With- with— while they're still alive?!

[ It's not until now that Riley really starts to understand the danger Giorno went up against. ]

Mm.

[He doesn't look much happier than she does. More resigned, maybe, but the grim reality of the situation hasn't in any way left him. He still imagines an empty Rome sometimes, how everything might have looked if he had failed.]

I learned more about him later, things I could only guess at in the moment. He was a doctor who killed his patients, experimenting on them or driving them to suicide. A truly disgusting man. He tried very hard to kill Mista, and then he tried very hard to kill me.

[A beat.]

He was a fool. But I bring him up because every time I see Aunamee on the network, I think of that man. He was less a predator than a scavenger, although that seems sort of insulting to scavengers, too. There is a certain type of person who flourishes only when causing pain, who destroys with a touch or a word and who always targets the vulnerable first and foremost, because they are cowards at heart who don't want to take any chances with their own lives.

One thing I learned about this man is that he was never sorry about anything he'd done. Not the small things, like bullying a colleague, or the big things, like trying to kill the most important person in my life in front of me. He relied on others to be good and honorable and took advantage of their good intentions. When he won, he was smug, and when he lost, it was always someone else's fault and so unfair. But above all, he never, ever admitted he was wrong or felt any remorse.

I'm certain that's how Aunamee operates as well, regardless of the details I don't know. And that's what makes him and this man I'm talking about different from you, Riley. The depths of your unselfish feelings are bottomless. You grieve for what you've done every day. You feel other things, too, which is normal — but you are so deep in grief and guilt and recognition that what you've done is wrong . . .

If emotion was terrain, they're in an ocean trench and you're on a mountain. They can't even see you. They would see you as weak and manipulable because they have never been where you are. They've never seen the world from where you're standing. They never will. Because you are nothing at all alike.

[ When she realizes where Giorno's going with this, Riley feels it. A heavy lump, sitting in her throat. Her? Not selfish? She tries to open her mouth to tell him he's wrong, but nothing comes out. It distracts her, and she doesn't realize her eyes are brimming until Giorno blurs into green watercolor against the backdrop of her apartment.

She blinks quickly to hide it. She probably doesn't do a very good job. ]

That, uh. [ It's so much. His praise, it's almost too heavy. ] You... Wow.

[ ...She needs a minute. ]

[He's looking at her, of course. He's watching, like he always watches, careful to tailor what he's saying to her reactions. This is how he always interacts with people, except Riley, usually. All of the things he's saying are true, but still . . . he wants to make sure to help, not to hurt. So he's careful.]

[Right up until she starts crying, and then he blinks rapidly in panic.]

Oh. Oh, no. You're crying. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to—

[protagonist.exe has stopped working]

[ Shit, he saw! Riley brings a hand up to cover her eyes and only then realizes...this is really silly, isn't it? This is...kind of stupid.

She laughs. It's wet and soft, but she laughs. ]

They're happy tears, Giorno!

. . . Oh.

[He knew that. He absolutely knew that. Uh.]

I still . . . didn't mean to. I was trying to help. . . . But I meant what I said. I wouldn't lie to you about something like this.

[ Still she's hiding her eyes. But she's smiling. That much he should be able to see, a smile, a real smile, unlike the mask she wears to pretend everything's fine. ]

I know- I know. [ And she means that. She knows he wouldn't placate her with false platitudes. ] ...You really think that- highly of me.

[It's a real smile. He can tell, because it's messy and imperfect and complicated. It doesn't look perfect, and it doesn't look tight. She means it.]

[Tentatively, he smiles back.]

Of course I do. I think you're an incredible person, Riley.

[ She sniffles and it turns into a bit of a squeak as she sinks her head closer to her collarbone. ]

St- stop. You're- doing it on purpose now.

[ On purpose, praising her? Trying to make her feel better? She'll never get used to having family like this. ]

I am not!

[Like, he is, but also he isn't! It's complicated!!]

I just have to correct you. It's important to be honest, you know. About how much you mean to me, and how much I care about you. But also, objectively, you're wonderful.

[He is an objective source. Period! End of sentence! Don't question him!]

[ The touched smile stays. But Riley does look away a little. ]

There are some people who would take big issue with that.

You must know by now that I don’t care what anyone else thinks.

[He says it with a hint of teasing, but he understands her point.]

What matters most is how you feel about yourself. No matter what anyone else says, those words are only tools given to you or weapons sent to damage you. They can help to shape or to break your own vision of yourself.

I know you don’t see yourself the way I do. But I want to believe that you — really you, on your best day, not your worst thoughts in your worst moments, not the things you’ve heard people like Aunamee say to hurt you — don’t see yourself as a monster, either. And in the event that you do, I hope you know I’m staying with you until long after you’ve changed your mind.

[ For a moment, Riley sits there quietly, until she finally feels like she can lift her head to meet his eyes. ]

If I say I don't deserve you, you'll be cross, won't you? [ She sighs. But she still feels so warm. ]

I know...I'm not the same as them. But I can't stop seeing all the ways that could change. Seeing them as fact. [ ... ] And you're...still gonna be here...even if I think that?

[Huffing out a quiet laugh, he shakes his head.]

I generally feel I don't deserve you either, so no, I won't.

And yes, I'll be here no matter what you think. No matter how ugly or presentable it is. You can't get rid of me, Riley Williams. Easy to catch, impossible to cure.

[ It squeezes at her heart. Riley gives him a teary smile, big and wide and bright. ]

There was nothing easy about you to catch, Giorno. [ Thank you. ]

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cw suicidal ideation, mold?? gore???

cw: mold gore?!

cw suicide

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WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, CHEERYCHERRY. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 019.46.820.17 * CHEERYCHERRY has joined 019.46.820.17 <CHEERYCHERRY> It's Riley! <CHEERYCHERRY> Please leave a message! <CHEERYCHERRY>** Please be someone with their priorities sorted out properly!