isawallflower | RYSLIG; ic inbox

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WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, CHEERYCHERRY. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 019.46.820.17 * CHEERYCHERRY has joined 019.46.820.17 <CHEERYCHERRY> It's Riley! <CHEERYCHERRY> Please leave a message! <CHEERYCHERRY>** Please be someone with their priorities sorted out properly!

main: CheeryCherry
anonymous: panthera, aed
retired: gflynn (anon)

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[It takes almost an entire week for Ash to stew in his guilt enough to get off his ass and actually do something about it. The doppelganger problem had finally been dealt with, what with Elias having to step in and clean up Ash's problems for him.

But he hasn't been able to put Riley's messages out of his mind--not since seeing them on the network. What would his father say? Something along the lines of how he's not his son, or how he's disappointed in how he keeps making these stupid mistakes. He doesn't need that right now. What would his sister, Cheryl, say? She'd probably punch him in the shoulder and tell him to own up to his mistakes.

She could always talk Ash into being less of an asshole. Her opinion mattered to him even more than his girlfriend's.

He lets out a low sigh, flipping open the laptop to type out a message. As much as he hates the idea of it...well, writing it out is certainly easier than telling someone "sorry" to their face.]

hey

i know this is probably not the username you want to see right now but i just want to say

im sorry that you died and your friends got killed because of my stupid mistake

i didnt know it would go bad like this

[It takes almost an insurmountable amount of effort to even type out these four little sentences. He knows it's not enough, but he sends it. He knows Riley will likely have more to say.

He waits.]

[ Riley almost doesn't want to answer it.

The scope of her life that the doppelganger screwed up, even putting aside killing her, isn't yet clear. Every time she thinks it is, another disgusting little realization squirms out of the woodwork. Another shattered relationship. She doesn't even know if she knows, and she doesn't want to look at his apology.

But at the same time, she wants to be angry. ]

It took you a week to even say sorry.
Do you have any idea how many people this hurt?

[ Is he ignorant? Delusional? Or just heartless? ]

[Stupid and self-centered, definitely. Heartless? That title goes to his evil doppelganger. But having a heart is not enough to make up for his other faults, and certainly isn't a replacement for an actual, proper apology. Certainly not for someone's death.

Multiple people's deaths, if what other people are saying is correct. But, in classing Ash Williams form, he becomes instinctively defensive.]

listen there was a lot going on in the last week that i had to figure out

[No. Stop. Think, for once in your life, think.]

also i dont know

lots of people i guess

people tend to get hurt whenever i screw up and i never want it to happen

the important part is are you
okay?

[ It takes every bit of self-control not to break her laptop. Not to rip it in two. ]

Am I okay?
Are you really asking that?

I died. It was my third time. I lost memories. My friend is STILL dead and the person whose doppelganger killed her probably remembers it. On that note, I remember it. I remember what it felt like to kill myself. I remember thinking and saying horrible things to and about the people I love. It feels like my best friend can barely look at me some days. That's not even accounting for the relationships she ruined. Someone almost killed me AGAIN because of what she did.

No.
No I'm not okay.
I'm not going to BE okay.

[There's a bit of panic that wells up in Ash's chest, and it confuses him. Why should he care about the memories of some random teenager that he hardly knows? And yet, what Riley describes solidifies the harm and terror that he's created. It's no longer abstract fallout. And it's causing him to freeze up and slip back into old habits, old fears.

There's about five minutes of no response, before:]

stupid question

sorry

like i knew if you died here you came back but
i didnt know you could lose memories if you died too many times

if i knew things were going to go this bad i wouldnt have done it

After all this time?
You said it was three whole years right?

What have you even been doing here that you didn't even KNOW?

Edited (oop reread other tag) 2022-02-14 04:38 (UTC)

oh you remember me saying that huh

i can see why that sounded misleading

well
um

my life was already sort of a living horror movie before i came here so i kind of just counted this as part of the bullshit

ive really only been here for a year or so

but yeah. uh. ive mostly just been trying to survive

I remember everything she did.

So you've been mixed up with magic for almost three years, across different worlds, and you still were THAT reckless?

I'm sorry that you've been through hard times
but you need to stop mixing the rest of us up in them

and take some responsibility for your actions

hey one of these times it has to stick

[There's a significant pause before the next set of replies come through.]

but yeah i guess

um

sorry

again

Don't just say it.
Show it.

If you are ACTUALLY sorry
stop being so cavalier with the rest of our lives.

If you do something like this again, I will not go easy on you.
I'll make you regret it.

[There's something about the dissonance between these words and the fact that Ash doesn't quite get the severity of correspondence through written word. Despite this, however, there's something about her tone that makes him not immediately ignore what she has to say.

He'll forget about the exact details in a month, most likely. But the impact it has will probably stay at the back of his mind, ready to leap out and nag at him again.]

okay

not like i was planning on summoning something after that big fuck up

[Whatever Riley sends afterwards, he won't respond to.]

[ That's fine. Because that's all Riley's going to send.

She just hopes he actually means that. Any of it. ]

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<boomstick69>, one week after the doppleganger event ends

<CheeryCherry>

<boomstick69>

<CheeryCherry>

<boomstick69>

<CheeryCherry>

<boomstick69>

<CheeryCherry>

<boomstick69>

<CheeryCherry>

<boomstick69>

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