isawallflower | RYSLIG; ic inbox

[The temptation, when he sees the confusion written across Riley's face, is to dive headfirst into an explanation of the logistics. Which is absurd. He would genuinely prefer to discuss the stolen body of the murdered progenitor of a lineage of beefcakes that somehow managed to obliquely and accidentally produce him than keep talking about this. He only barely manages to course-correct, to let her speak. Process. Take step after cautious step forward.]

[She's going in the right direction, at least. By now, he doesn't have to lead her much at all.]

Do you know what Giorno means? It means "day". To say good morning in Italian, you say buon giorno. It's not really a given name at all. Giovanna isn't a surname; it's a girl's given name. I wanted to be something [the briefest hesitation, and then he smiles, one of his real ones, albeit small and tired] bright and beautiful. Because I had the opportunity to become something better. To make my dreams a reality.

[This time, it's less a hesitation and more a pause. He's trying to decide if he wants to say the next part. It's not something Riley has the key for yet. Giving it to her is entirely his choice.]

. . . Before, I looked a lot like my mother, but afterwards I closely resembled my father. My real father, I mean. That made it easier, too, to separate myself. I didn't want to look back.

[. . .]

Does it make any sense? Or do you think I'm crazy?

[ Riley wonders if, perhaps, she'd had another name in that other world, if they would feel more separate. She wonders if like Erdianus and Steve her whole name had been a fabrication, if she'd have an easier time differentiating.

No, she decides, in a rare moment of clarity. She...probably wouldn't. But the thought still comes to mind, as soon as Giorno explains. ]

No. I mean— yes, it...it makes sense. I think... [ The logic follows. Even in just petitioning for a name change for the Tigers, she— ] I...understand what you mean.

[ Riley wanted to cast off the unlovable little girl she'd been. She failed. Giorno, however, sounds like he succeeded in taking the parts of himself he didn't like and cutting them away. In that way...she envies him. She honestly regards him with a degree of wonder. ]

I don't...think you're crazy.

[She tells him she doesn't think he's crazy. Somehow, despite himself, he believes her. It goes against every rule about the world that he's come to understand. Whatever she's done, Riley came from a different world than the one he or Narancia or Bruno did. By rights there should be an unbridgeable gap between them. She should pull away from him after this.]

[But then, she already was pulling away because she thought the same thing about him. That he couldn't understand, that he would never give her a chance to say her piece, that he would never forgive her. That he would think her as unworthy of forgiveness as she considers herself.]

[They're really too similar. This time he smiles like a sunrise, one of the easy slow smiles that were fairly common for Haruno, a serious boy who didn't take himself very seriously. The difference isn't as great as he wants it to be.]

Thank you. I really didn't expect anyone to . . . [He wavers, unsure how to explain what a blow it would be to present the reality of this fragment of his past to someone and have them disregard it, crumple it up and throw it over their shoulder dismissively. It would do a lot more damage than he has words for.]

[In the end, he shakes his head.] Just, thank you. That's all.

I don't think you're crazy, either. For what that's worth.

[ For a moment, his smile actually reassures her. The strange, horrible atmosphere that's been over them—that she put over them—lifts, and Riley feels like she actually has her friend back.

And then she flinches away, as something tightly squeezing her heart. Tears prick at her eyes, and she swallows them down. ]

That's...really nice of you, but... I don't really think I can agree.

[One more time: something is wrong.]

[This time it's him who's missing a piece. Maybe he's said it too carelessly. Maybe this wasn't the right time at all. He doesn't know which is true. Watching Riley carefully, he notes her distress and feels it seep into his bones like disease. It could make him brittle enough to break if he let it, hating himself for making her sad.]

[Is he crazy for thinking she needs someone to lean on? That's what memory and instinct tell him. After a moment, he nods slowly, weighing everything.]

You don't have to agree. We don't have to talk about you right now, unless you want to. We can talk about something else. That other place, or the stupid details of what I just told you, or Maple, or nothing. We can just sit, or walk, or you can fly away.

It's up to you, Riley. The only thing you can't do is push me away again. [The ghost of that smile returns.] I'm a lot more stubborn than you realize.

Edited 2021-04-13 23:35 (UTC)

[ It's only now, as her gaze finds her own reflection, Riley starts to notice her feathers, literally ruffled from stress. How pathetic she looks. It's because she's looking here that she even sees Giorno's soft expression, painted plain despite her attempt to avert her eyes. ]

You...

[ She presses her teeth together very tightly.

I'll always be on your team—

She had that, once. Probably not anymore. (She was going to fix, she was, she swears...!)

Riley forces herself not to think about that. If she starts getting lost in that night, she'll be stuck looking at the faces of Kate and Annleigh again, faces she thought would haunt her less than the people she killed—falsely. ]

...You know... I liked it 'cause...I could just be normal. It was...nice, having just...a normal family, even though it...you know. It was...like that.

. . . Mm.

[Not agreeing, not disagreeing. Just a sound of acknowledgment. This is the first time, this moment, that it's truly sunk in for him how the makeup of Riley's family in that other world might affect her in this one. Part of it is unquestionably good. The other part—]

[Not now.]

That part of it . . . wasn't so bad. That part [by itself, in a vacuum] was nice.

It all became horrible. And...I- I hate some of the...memories it took, my— [ Don't think about it. Don't think about her. ] But, still, you know...

[ It's with quite a bit of hesitance that she continues, very softly: ]

I liked being friends there. Until you told me all this, I— ...I just considered it you.

Edited 2021-04-17 05:23 (UTC)

[Just him.]

[He's quiet for a good while after this. Thinking. Instinctively balking in response, then walking around his own distaste at the idea, looking at it from all sides. Truthfully, he's too tired to do this. Truthfully, he doesn't want to talk about it. Truthfully—]

[He sort of wants to tell her again, how it wasn't. How he could never have been that happy growing up unless he was an entirely different person. It just wasn't possible. But he doesn't want to make her sad, either. It's difficult.]

[But also, ultimately, very easy.]

I think the thought of being friends with someone like you in a more normal place was the best thing to come out of the entire experience, for me.

[This is unequivocally true. If he had known someone like Riley before, it probably wouldn't have changed much, but it would have changed enough. It would have meant something. He envies the strange Haruno facsimile that much. They understood each other, he and Riley, in a way that he never did with anyone in his life back home who wasn't a career criminal.]

[Another beat or two, and his smile goes a little wry.] Did you say I was sweet?

[ For a moment, Riley's very afraid that she's ruined it again. That even though she'd somehow navigated through the rest of it—tricked him, made him think she's better, more worthy than she is, stupid, it'll just hurt all the more when—this will walk-back all the good will. She watches Giorno with bated breath, her chest tight like her lungs are going to burst from worry.

It makes the smile that spreads across her face even more lovely and gentle. ]

I did! Because you were.

[Making people smile is one of those things that he’s recently learned he likes to do. In that other world, he was better at it; he had more practice. But he’s gotten better at it, at least with Riley, someone who rarely smiles in a way that’s soft instead of tense. Those are the smiles that feel rewarding to see.]

No one has ever called me sweet before, Riley. I genuinely don’t know what to make of it. Everyone must have gotten the wrong impression of me over there, and now they’ll be disappointed to find out I’m a bastard.

[ And, in response, Riley rolls her eyes despite the smile staying firm and secure. ]

Ohh no, you were still a bastard there. [ Riley rarely lets herself swear but it feels sort of natural to. ] You were sweet and a jerk. Both are true.

. . . Hm.

[He has less of a comeback for that one. She's at least right on one of those counts. Narrowing his eyes at her for a moment, he eventually gives up and just shrugs, acquiescing.]

I'm multifaceted, then. Although I think I was only a bastard to specific people. Consider yourself lucky.

[ She missed this. She missed this. Like this, she can pretend it's all...okay. ]

That's luck? Really? Giorno, I need to get you a dictionary.

[ They are close enough that she can gently poke his arm. Something that other-Riley would do, in that other-life, as she was more...comfortable. Secure. Loved. Little things like casual physical contact, casual teasing, they came easier to her, despite the anxiety still bubbling under the surface. ]

Well. Let me clarify. There's a different between being a bastard and actually being mean, you know?

[She probably saw some of the mean, at least in the beginning, never directed toward her but toward Steffan once or twice, toward his hangers-on more often. They never quite managed to get on. Even with all that, he was really a lot nicer as Haruno in a lot of ways. He doesn't really miss that part.]

I liked you from the beginning, though. You always seemed very safe. So maybe it isn't so much luck [he pokes her arm right back] as skill.

[ At such a compliment, Riley truly does crumble. She looks away with a half-shrug, the smile on her face small but bright. ]

Don't be silly. It had a lot to do with you being such a nice person to be around.

[That smile is slightly different. He makes note of it, if only so he can remember. He likes this version of her, the one that smiles a little awkwardly and can't quite let go of the argument of who is actually the nice one.]

[For the record, it's probably neither of them.]

I'm glad you think so. Most people found me pretty strange, before. [Me, not Haruno. He slips a little.] So maybe I'm the lucky one. It wouldn't be the first time I've had that label put on me.

You're kinda strange, [ Riley agrees without missing a beat. ] But, I like it. It's a good strange.

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WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, CHEERYCHERRY. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 019.46.820.17 * CHEERYCHERRY has joined 019.46.820.17 <CHEERYCHERRY> It's Riley! <CHEERYCHERRY> Please leave a message! <CHEERYCHERRY>** Please be someone with their priorities sorted out properly!