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[Celeste is still screaming, even when she sees the way Riley goes still, then tense- and she knows what's coming. She doesn't lift her hands, doesn't even try to defend herself, because part of her still know she's goading this out of her and what happens to her will happen regardless. Maybe for just a little while it can finally stop-

And then Mukuro is between them, speaking lowly to Riley and Celeste isn't even fully aware of the words coming out of her mouth-]

Fine then, if you're so damn determined just fucking kill me why don't you-!

[And then Mukuro has Celeste up over her shoulder, the movement cutting off her sound in surprise. Mukuro lifts her straight off the ground and uses three of her legs to propel them both down the hallway to their apartment door.]

What are you doing?

[Once Riley is out of sight, she stops shouting. But her throat is raw, tearing at her voice and she's still so so angry. Why could Riley be normal? Why did she get everything they couldn't? She hates her so much. She hates her happiness and kindness and security-

Mukuro sets her down on her bed quickly, smoothly, with obvious care. There's an unexpected affectionate press as if to say stay here. And the door shuts behind her. In the deafening silence, the full implications of what she's done sink in. Like when she would be between games, and her keepers would just shut her away because she couldn't be useful or good enough.

Celeste... Doesn't want to be here if Mukuro comes back.

It takes only a moment to open the window and clamber out of it. She needs. She- she doesn't know. But she isn't needed here. Not when Mukuro has people like Riley and Steve and. and Naegi.]

[ With the harpy in her panicked and half-thinking state, it’s very easy for Mukuro to catch Riley, like she’s a linebacker on the football field instead of a cheerleader. Even as her one free set of claws swipes at the air furiously, her own screeches almost too distant for her ears to hear, she can’t break free of Mukuro’s grasp. Can’t not listen to those soothing words. Can’t stop gasping, choking on her own poison. Familiar, familiar, all so familiar, just breathe Riley, I got you shifting and swirling to a lower voice, different voice, you don’t have to apologize to you’re going to hate me, but that was a dream—

And suddenly, it’s gone. The support, the kindness, because suddenly Mukuro’s taking Celeste away, and she’s left alone in the silence, with just her own distant gasps to keep her company.

See what happens when they know?

Her gasps and the usual poison, directed inward now that there’s nowhere to spit it. Every positive example—Giorno, Eridanus, Atem despite the assumed betrayal, Cersei who’s gone, gone now—falls away. Her claws curl into her arm, tighter, tighter, though she doesn’t know if she can feel it. It doesn’t matter that Celeste doesn’t like her, has never liked her. It doesn’t matter that Celeste seems determined to cut and push her, every conversation they have. All Riley can think, curled on the floor of her apartment, waiting for the world to end, is that this is what she’s supposed to be, and everyone will treat her like that, when they know.

Broken little monster. Never could’ve been good enough. Shouldn't try. Just kill them, you don’t need—

She can barely breathe as she curls in on herself, just a ball of feathers in an empty room. ]

[Once Celeste is safe, Mukuro only waits long enough to take a breath before she pads right back out. Celeste can handle herself, and hates being seen when she's vulnerable. But Riley - Riley needs people with her. She's being eaten from the inside out and tearing herself apart, and if nothing else, Mukuro's had years of practice trying to help with this sort of thing.

She slips back into Riley's apartment, ears drooping when she sees the sad little pile of feathers curled up on the floor. It hurts to see her like this. She takes a few quiet steps closer, until she can crouch down across from her and lean in to nose ever so lightly at her.]

Riley...?

[ The storm of her own thoughts keeps her from hearing Mukuro's approach until she's right in front of her and it's impossible not to. Her head shoots up and her face flashes through so many different expressions. First, fear and panic—it was in this apartment, it was here— then surprise, relief—oh thank god, oh she's not alone, she's not alone— and then, starkly and suddenly—

Despair.

The freed claw drags on the floor as she scrambles backward. The other wraps into muscle and rips feathers and flesh from her arm. She shakes her head with a desperate whine. ]

No. No, no, no, n-n- no, jus- just- go. Leave, I- c-can't, can't—!

[ A moment of comfort means nothing. Not when once everything comes crumbling down she'll just be alone again, alone or forced to be the feral thing they expect of her.

You can't count on anyone. ]

Edited (cant get me smalltext) 2021-06-16 01:40 (UTC)

[God, she's still so scared - but there's a glimmer of relief, too, enough that Mukuro doesn't want to just immediately retreat and leave her be. Especially when that very familiar despair makes itself known. Seeing it on Riley's face, of all people - it hurts in a way she didn't expect, makes her stomach twist with guilt and worry.

--She's hurting herself again.

Mukuro moves forward without even thinking about it, reaching first to take Riley's taloned hand, to stop her from carving into herself any further. She doesn't care if she gets hurt, instead. She can handle it, and the Fog heals. No, in fact, she pulls Riley gently towards her and right into another embrace, with her other arm wrapped around her and her snout resting over Riley's shoulder. The better to murmur to her, very softly:]

It's okay. I promise.
I'm not leaving you alone.

[ This is always how it seems to go, isn't it? Mukuro pulls her in, holds her while she hangs limp like a ragdoll. Softly, she reassures her.

That's why the hydra thought she was an easy target.

She could snap your neck again, so easily—

Riley shuts her eyes tight to keep the tears from falling. She tries to pull away, undoubtedly getting blood from her arm on Mukuro's fur. ]

No... N-no, you- you will— [ The words come out before she can stop them. ] You- you're- gonna hate me- everyone- everyone's gonna—

[She shakes her head a little, shifting a bit so she can more easily pull Riley into her lap. She lets go of Riley's hand, but only so she can loop her arm around her for a more complete embrace. Even her tail curls up and tucks around them, as best it can. Anything to give Riley even a tiny bit more comfort.]

No, I won't.

[Mukuro's voice is as gentle as her touch, trying so hard to keep the wolfish rumble out of it - the last thing she wants is to scare her.]

Riley, I promise, it's okay. You -

[She swallows, wonders if it's better or worse to mention this, before deciding it's better not to make Riley tear her confession out of herself again. So even though she's half-convinced Riley will be angry at her for the deception, if she remembers, Mukuro continues in a near-whisper.]

...You already told me. When you were - sick.

Oh! Yes! That's him. That's Mr. Rabbit.

He's kind. When I don't know something people are supposed to, he explains it to me in a way I understand. He doesn't even seem impatient.

[ And just like that, her struggling ceases. Riley goes utterly still, the only sound from her those quick, shallow gasps of breath as she tries to force down the panic attack rippling through her.

No. No, that— ]

Tha- that...was a dream- n-no, that—

[ The only movement is her trembling. ]

[Another little shake of her head. This feels a little like picking at a scab. Like she's hurting Riley all over again. But - it's a wound that needs airing out.]

I saw you fall - you needed help, so I brought you home. You thought I was someone else.

[Someone better, that hissing voice reminds her, but she shoves it aside. Her stupid feelings aren't important right now. No, she's here for Riley, she's here to help clean out this old hurt. She speaks very softly, arms still around the harpy, holding her in a nest of warm fur.]

You told me - what happened. At your sleepover.

Edited (im a mess) 2021-06-16 18:52 (UTC)

He's really considerate like that, isn't he? That's a really cute nickname. I might have to use it.

If I could ask, though... Why did you message me with all this? I don't mind, really, I just wouldn't have thought I'd be someone you'd want to tell about your new pet.

[ That was Cairo, holding her, nursing her back to health. That— was Cairo, telling her it was all okay. That—

Was someone with a lower voice. With fur. Who is here, actually here, not in one of her dreams or wild fantasies. ]

No. N- no, oh. Oh god. Oh g- god, oh—

[ Like that night, this feels so nice. So comforting and warm. But everything in her is screaming. ]

[She can feel it, Riley's rapid heartbeat fluttering in the cage of her chest. She can feel how tense she is, like a string pulled so taut it's seconds away from snapping. She's scared - she's terrified, of course she is, she's terrified that Mukuro will - hurt her, or hate her, or expose her to the world.

Of being left alone.

It's an echo of a fear Mukuro has handled many times before. Not her own, but close enough to her heart for it to feel like second nature. She doesn't think twice, doesn't hesitate - just turns her head slightly to nuzzle at the harpy, closing her eyes and holding her just a bit tighter.]

It's okay.

[When she speaks, it's with the voice she used when they were small. Soft and reassuring, even if it's a different recipient, this time. It's okay, I'm here.]

Riley, it's okay, I promise.
I'm not afraid of you. And - I'd never tell.

Oh... Well, it's hard to talk about my pets with anyone besides Dr. Danny. I don't think Dad would understand what there is to like about it...and when I told you about my birdie, you asked if I wanted something that was living.

Well, do you THINK that you were an awful person?

[ Against Celeste, she pushed back so hard. She's not like that, she doesn't have to be, she's not— a bad person, she's not—

But now? Now, here? All the fight's gone out of her.

(Someone else who would sit by her side? Someone else who would carry her, hold her, tell her it's okay? No... No, this can't—) ]

No...! No, you're g-going to— ev- everyone's— going t-t-t- to— I ju- just- just wanted t-to— [ A thousand different things she wants to say at once, but none of the wherewithal to put the words together. None of the mental endurance. She shakes against Mukuro's fur, gasping in, choking out: ] I'm sorry—!!

[ Dr. Danny... Riley's can feel her skin tingle at the mention of him. Should...she tell Rachel she was the person who talked to her that day? That they share the same therapist?

No, the thought of it terrifies her. ]

But you've been here awhile, right? Don't you have friends to talk to about this kind of thing?

Again, not that I mind!! I guess I can't imagine why you would share this with someone you aren't close to.

[ ......... ]

I'm not sure.
yes.
yes probably.

[Her ears droop, a little, listening to Riley's ragged breathing and desperate fragmented speech. It's so clear how badly she's hurting.]

I know. I know you are.

[There's a pause, where Mukuro tries to think of what to say. She's always been clumsy with her words, always found it so much harder to speak instead of act - Riley feels so fragile under her hands, like she could break at any second, and Mukuro doesn't trust herself to fix anything when all she's good for is destruction. But she has to try. Because she's the one who's here, even if Riley deserves better. Riley needs her to try. So she nuzzles at her again, lets her clutch at her fur, and murmurs quietly into her pointed ear.]

Riley... You're not a bad person.
Bad people don't feel so guilty.

[Not like her.]

Not really. I was gone for over a year, and I have a hard time getting along with people my age.

There's Reira. She's still here... I don't know. No one's going to be anything like the person most precious to me, so maybe it doesn't matter so much. And they might have talked about something else, when I wanted to talk about my new pet.

[ That's what he thought she'd say.

He's only seen a monster with fresh scars once before. They were in the middle of an intersection in the dead of night, soaked from head to toe because they'd just finished fishing themselves out of a canal. The one their body had been dumped in.

He doesn't panic. He doesn't do much of anything at all, but that's mostly due to the numbness that washes over him. His hand is still wavering on her neck, where it stays paused for some time until, eventually, he reaches around it and tries to pull her toward him by the nape. ]

I'm sorry.

[ If it hurt. If she was afraid. If she's still hurting and afraid. ]

I'm sorry.

[ The words feel like choking does. ]

Edited (world's latest typo correction) 2021-06-22 20:08 (UTC)

Well, you know what I think?
I think that's a pretty good sign.
It's not about whether you did bad things before.
It's all about what you're planning to do NOW.
You can still choose the kind of person you want to be, Riley.

[In some ways, Bavan is even more lawless than Napoli was. Back home, one had to take certain measures to duck legal consequences of petty or not-so-petty crime (said measures mostly consisting of bribes, for which one needed money, for which one often needed the law to look the other way, and so on). Here, though, monsters are essentially exempt from legal proceedings. As Bakugo would say, the cops are fucking cowards. From another perspective, they simply don't want to give their lives for a snatched purse.]

[He doesn't take advantage of this state of affairs too much, in part because he's already taking up a lot of social and moral space by having to eat people and in part because it's just not his style. But . . . it's been a bad month. He hurts from his skin down to his marrow. He wants to lash out, to do harm, to wield his sharp tongue like a weapon and draw himself out of the kind embrace of those who care about him like lancing poison from a wound.]

[Because they're not right. Because they're not who he wants. Because even if he knows it's not true, it feels like the ones he wants have slipped through his fingers all over again. He failed, again.]

[He wakes up at any odd hour, pillow wet, expecting to see a shock of messy black hair, sleeping fitfully or roaming about the room or banging belongings together. At this point, he'd take a poltergeist. At least it would be loud company.]

[He doesn't reach out for help, because he doesn't want it. On the other hand, he doesn't lash out, either. What he plunges his hands and heart into are petty, harmless things, possessions grabbed from those who can afford the loss, from assholes, from people whose faces he doesn't like the look of. He cuts corners, gets sloppy, and still doesn't get caught. In small ways, he reminds himself that he's still alive, and that's something worth fighting for.]

[Today is sunny. In the center of Bavan, a specialty food shop (not that kind) has set out a table on the front awning of their storefront, offering free samples to passersby and tempting them inside. Giorno hasn't taken the bait, but the employee manning the table, a young man with messy dark hair and the look of someone who's taken this job without much enthusiasm at all, seems distracted. Because while Giorno hasn't entered the shop and clearly doesn't intend to, he has perched on the edge of the table and, over the passage of time, has leaned thoroughly into the young man's space, fingertips brushing his wrist on the way to pointing out the different samples on offer. He has a lot of questions that appear extremely genuine and well-informed. The samples guy is no longer paying attention to his samples even a little bit.]

[He's also not paying attention to his back pocket, which is currently being unburdened of its wallet. For someone who hasn't seen him do it before, it might be shocking how effortless and natural the action seems, as easy to him as a wave. The wallet is concealed on his person before he finishes his sentence.]

[ And yet still, Riley shakes her head. Instead of fighting, mercifully, she's gone into freeze-mode, like the scared little girl she once was (still is)— her claws don't rake against Mukuro's fur, don't draw blood like the last time they were in this oh-so-small apartment (no— no, she says there was a time after, a time she thought was—) and she feels herself torn in a thousand different directions. ]

No! No, I— I'm a monster—!!

[ It's the only thing she can concretely say, besides her apologies. Her shoulders shake and heave, her body trembles, her wings hang limp. She's a shrill, incoherent mess, and the only way they're going to get anywhere is if she can suck it up and breathe, but she just can't. ]

[ Oh.

Oh, that's... ]

So since we'd talked about it before, you thought I was a good candidate.

Tell me whatever you want then, okay? I'll listen.

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cw: abuse reference - aha-haaaaaa

cw: dissociation, panic attacks, intrusive thoughts, homicidal ideation, just in general bad

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cw: gore, intrusive thoughts

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< r.gardner >

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<CheeryCherry>

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< r.gardner >

<ranger>

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<CheeryCherry>

<CheeryCherry>

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< r.gardner >

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<ranger>

action, july 1.

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<CheeryCherry>

WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, CHEERYCHERRY. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 019.46.820.17 * CHEERYCHERRY has joined 019.46.820.17 <CHEERYCHERRY> It's Riley! <CHEERYCHERRY> Please leave a message! <CHEERYCHERRY>** Please be someone with their priorities sorted out properly!