isawallflower | RYSLIG; ic inbox

[ And unlike that day, out of almost pure incredulity, Riley finds she can actually find the words. ]

Why are you doing this, you know why! [ Her voice cracks and her hands tremble in his grasp. She looks at him in utter confusion. It's been all she's been thinking about, after all. ] I'm— I'm a freak, why— why are you asking that when you know that I'm a psycho murderer?!

[ These...just aren't the words she ever wanted to really say. ]

Edited 2021-04-11 20:39 (UTC)

[ Another pause. ]

thank you

i know i have to, i KNOW i just
i can't yet
i did that and

it didn't even count

Uhhhhhh— [ Riley winces something fierce at this question, shrugging a little. ] He, um...probably tapped into no longer feeling unbearable fear?

[ Her shoulders slump a little, and she looks away. ]

It— how long've you...been here? Not— it was after January, right?

What??
No, don't worry about it it's fine!!
I wasn't like mentioning it to be all coy or anything, really.

We all sort of had a lot going on then.

[The outburst is surprising enough that Giorno lets go of her wrists, his hands coming up in self-defense, as though she's pointing a knife at him. The look on his face is easy to read this time: genuine shock. Processing her words is gratingly difficult, trying to drive on gravel with square wheels, because the cause and effect is barely comprehensible. She's a psycho murderer. She killed people. She's putting distance between them. She's a murderer. She killed people. She's p—]

[Wait. Waitwaitwait.]

Are you telling me you're icing me out because you killed people?

[ARE YOU SERIOUS, RILEY WILLIAMS.]

i'm going shopping right now

[ As if it's natural, Riley shifts to accommodate him, so she's not kneeling awkwardly. She moves on an instinct she never knew she had, one she never got to develop. A billion fragments of what never was swirl around them, and she finds herself somewhere between the time she'd crawled into Steffan's bed during a particularly loud thunderstorm and being carried home after she'd sprained her ankle while climbing a tree.

What her mind says is, this is her brother, one who's taken care of her. It's only right to return the favor. It's a terrifying thought, and yet... ]

We'll take care of it later. If...I had more in my pantry, I'd make us something, but— [ His laughter warms her ear and she sets her chin on his shoulder. He should probably have more water, before the waves of pain ripple over him again, but somewhat selfishly, Riley doesn't want to pull away. ]

...Pizza sounds perfect. [ He already knows her order, right? Large, extra cheese. That other world didn't have gluten-free, but she's been less strict about that in the last few months. ]

Yes!!

[ ...Wait. Just as urgent but like half as shrill: ] I'm not icing you out, Giorno, god! You didn't want to talk to me either, remember?

[ oh no what did she just do. ]

Steve, it's fine!!!
You REALLY don't have to!!!! It's no big deal!

Edited 2021-04-11 22:47 (UTC)

Yes you are!

[He wants to scream. Covering his face with both hands, he lets out a stream of words that are both crisply furious and completely incomprehensible. If this stupid peninsula had taken away his ability to swear properly he'd have lost his mind months ago. Taking the Madonna's name in vain is the only thing that hasn't betrayed him.]

[Christ. He lets his hands fall to his sides, but only for a second, because they start moving a lot as he speaks.]

I never said I didn't want to talk to you. You decided that. We used to talk all the time, and then after the museum you just weren't around, and it just kept getting worse. I thought you needed space or something because you were acting bizarre, but I wasn't avoiding you. You're the one who hasn't met my eye in a month!

Do you even listen? Killing people is what I do! If you'd taken a few steps forward in the museum you'd have seen it. You think I'm, what, disgusted by what you did? I don't know the whole story, I don't understand it, but you're the one who decided I didn't want anything to do with you because of it. Not me.

Edited 2021-04-11 22:57 (UTC)

[ It's like getting splashed with a bucket of water. A cold wake up. Riley's stunned, but she won't— she doesn't want to believe it. Slowly, almost imperceptibly, she shakes her head, trying to hold on to way she's understood the last two months. ]

No, I... That's not what— [ Another shake, a little desperate. ] What was I supposed to think, after...you were so— you were sure I'd hate you.

[ Her halfhearted attempt to turn it back around ends up sapping the fire in her. Dodged calls. Months left on read. Turning away, and... ]

And...after the... I didn't— I couldn't...with anyone, so...

[ It's true, what he's saying. Even now, she's watching his hands instead of his face, drawn to the movement, or—or using that as an excuse to hide. ]

So...I just... 'Cause I'd...I'd already...ruined it, so...

[ Her voice grows softer and softer as little disconnected explanations pour out. She lets her claws fall to her side. ]

Riley, it's fine!!!
I REALLY want to!!!! It's no big deal!

[ uno reverse card ]

seriously
i'll just get you ONE thing

[ heck!!!! ]

That sounds incredibly suspiciously phrased, Steve.

which part? i can try to rephrase it less suspiciously

You're going to run out and spend all your money on me! I'm not going to allow that. ESPECIALLY
Can you walk?
Aren't you still recovering?

oh, no, no, no, i'll make sure i have plenty of money left over for my future corvette

walking, running
i can do it all

i was in town today once already

Edited 2021-04-12 02:38 (UTC)

[She's right. He had been sure she'd hate him. But it wasn't only that. He'd felt vivisected, cut from his gut to his throat and splayed open; he'd seen the one person he most wants to hurt with their feet in the squishy red carpet of all his darkest secrets. Raw and brutalized, he stumbled upon her with his back to the wall and his hackles already up, and just like that . . .]

[She never really stopped panicking after that moment. He's starting to see that now. What's less clear is how he can stop it from happening again. Because he's not better than that. He's only as good as his worst moments, when the names of his dead friends are thrown in his face and he digs fangs deep enough into the world to draw blood and rend muscle. He will always, always defend himself. It's so far past a reflex. It's a compulsion.]

[So how does he get ahead of this? His hands draw back as her words trail off, one curling protectively against his collarbone, the other wrapping around the wrist of the first, a weak link of organic chainmail.]

Just because I thought you'd hate me doesn't mean anything about how I feel towards you. I'm . . . [He doesn't know how to put it, shakes his head.] It feels different. It felt different, then. Inevitable. But I wasn't thinking clearly. I was too upset.

[Somehow, it doesn't seem so dangerous now. Why is that? He's quiet for a moment, glancing at the way the sun reflects in the water. They're both day monsters, flashy and pretty, and very dangerous. It's complicated, what they are.]

[Haruno wasn't complicated. His mouth twitches at the corners, and he glances back at her.]

Now, though . . . you know my least favorite thing about myself. At least part of it. You might not even have figured it out from the exhibit.

[ ... ]

You shouldn't waste your money on something like this, okay?
It's just a birthday.

[ Childishly, she somewhat spits out: ] I hate the exhibits.

[ It's an important first point of clarification. Hesitantly, she starts to bring her hands up, back to where she'd clawed open her own arms. She winces as she sets them back, in a hug instead. ]

...I never wanna look at them. At someone else's. I didn't wanna see any of that, and... I didn't want anyone else to see mine.

[ Can she try and look at him? Her lips press tightly together. She manages a glance, as she can feel her pulse pound in her throat. ]

I didn't wanna know anything like that. Not— ...not from...those things.

I don't think it's a waste.
But if you're really not cool with it, I won't.

[Briefly, a fond smile flits across his features. Yes, he knows. Of course she does.]

I hate them, too. They're unnecessary and cruel. I think I just . . . [Hm. His fingertips press against his collarbone lightly, anchoring him to his body.] There are some things . . . that it does explain better than I think I would know how to.

[For a moment he's quiet, trying to figure out if that's really true. If he tried, could he figure out a way? It sounds exhausting. More than that, he thinks he'd give up halfway through. Does it help or hurt to know she's already got the key to the lock so few people even know exists?]

I'm not talking about the museum right now, though, Riley. Do you know what I'm talking about?

I'm used to it.
If we didn't have the whole other memories thing, you wouldn't even know, right?

[ Her talons dig at the ground without her even realizing it. New nervous habit. This is, somehow, better than continuing on as things had been. But, at the same time, she wants to fly away. ]

...That day. What those things said.

RYSLIG; ic inbox

cw: internalized ableism

<CheeryCherry>

no subject

<CheeryCherry>

cw internalized ableism 1/3

no subject

fin.

<Harrington>

no subject

no subject

<CheeryCherry>

no subject

no subject

<Harrington>

no subject

<Harrington>

<CheeryCherry>

<Harrington>

cw gory imagery

<CheeryCherry>

cw: self-harm mentions

<Harrington>

no subject

<CheeryCherry>

no subject

WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, CHEERYCHERRY. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 019.46.820.17 * CHEERYCHERRY has joined 019.46.820.17 <CHEERYCHERRY> It's Riley! <CHEERYCHERRY> Please leave a message! <CHEERYCHERRY>** Please be someone with their priorities sorted out properly!